Rewardville
I’d come a long way, learning in different areas of my life. With still much to learn, as my journey continued I’d be introduced to new concepts and also be led back through some areas in order to gain deeper understanding. In Rewardville a slight shift in perspective revealed more about love and also showed me that it’s not without rewards.
It started with a nice dinner at a friend’s house. After dinner all I wanted to do was go home and enjoy a glass of wine on the patio as the sun went down. But as we were coming in the door the phone was ringing. It was my mom wanting me to come over and take her to the store to get a loaf of bread. As much as I tried to get her to say it could wait until tomorrow, she wasn’t budging. Finally, Jim said he would go. Even though he didn’t know about my plan, I couldn’t help feeling guilty about enjoying myself while he took care of my mom. So, I decided to go with him, thinking we could make it a quick trip and then get back home to relax.
It turned out to be more than a quick trip. When we got to my mom’s house she was stressed out, franticly searching for her credit card. She had looked all through her purse and was in the process of checking the pockets of the clothes she had recently worn. So, Jim and I joined in the search which included calling the restaurant where we had dinner a couple nights before.
When we finally got home I decided to go ahead and have the glass of wine I had looked forward to earlier. I first took it into the living room, but as I was about to sit down on the couch an idea came to me. Even though it was dark, it was a nice evening and there really wasn’t any reason not to enjoy my wine on the patio as I had originally planned. Shortly after I got out there I heard the Disneyland fireworks start up. We hear the fireworks from Disneyland every night but hadn’t been able to see them through all the trees in our neighborhood. This night though, for some reason I decided to walk slowly around our backyard while facing the direction of the sound. That’s when I found one tiny spot where I could stand and see the tops of the fireworks in-between the trees, and I was thrilled!
Thinking about it the next morning, I realized that I had been given something even better than what I had originally planned–fireworks! I felt like I had been rewarded for doing the right thing, even though I didn’t do it with the best attitude. I started to feel bad about how I had treated my mom. I’d been trying to respond to her needs with patience, but last night I felt as if I had reverted back to my selfish self. Yet, it didn’t make sense for me to give up something I really wanted for something I thought could have waited until the next day. When my mom wouldn’t agree, I felt controlled and that’s what seemed to bother me the most. Even though I ended up doing what my mom wanted, I resented it, and like in the past, blamed her for not getting my way. This time was a little different though, I could see where I went wrong and so didn’t continue in my unhappiness as long as I used to.
Later I received an even greater understanding when it occurred to me that it wasn’t really the bread that my mom wanted that night. It was reassurance that although she was still able to live on her own, she was not alone. That’s when I realized that the weird demands my mom sometimes made were not to control me, but were instead a way of asking for something she herself may not have realized she was needing at the time–love.
Seeing the whole thing from this new perspective made me sad to think about my mom being alone. Most of the time she seemed happy to still be living independent. As happy as I was about it too, I was now beginning to see how afraid it must have made her to call me and get an argument instead of what she needed. Once I understood that simply responding to my mom’s requests could make her feel loved and secure, I became much more patient with her. No longer did I feel coerced into doing something out of duty or responsibility, instead I began to see it as my choice to show my mom some love.
Fireworks light up the sky every night over Disneyland, but being able to see them that night in Rewardville was visible proof that God was looking out for me. It showed me that I didn’t have to give up what I wanted out of life in order to care for my mom. Learning to trust God with my desires has made for some fun surprises. It also enabled me to do much more than I could have imagined as my mom became increasingly dependent on me as time went on.
To be continued . . . see Zacchaeusville
To start from the beginning go to messageballs.com
Arline
More of us need to think of our “inconveniences”
as acts of love. It would be a better world.
Arline
Louise
Thank you, Arline. Yes, it would be.