Message Balls Blog

Although the idea that I could somehow be a children’s Bible teacher made no sense to me, it was clear that God had led me there. Never in my life could I ever remember feeling so unprepared, but I’d made up my mind to trust God. Preparation began, mostly in the style much of my journey had already–by changing my thinking, and also in a way I hadn’t yet experienced. In Anointville I was to be shown how the power of God can enable me to do what I didn’t think I could.

The interview where I’d finally accepted the position went a little long causing the teaching director to hurry downstairs to begin her lecture on time. While in the elevator, she put her hand on my shoulder and said the most amazing prayer. Hearing her ask God for my anointing was a special moment for me, one I’ll always treasure. It also made it all so much more real. This is really happening, I thought. At the same time it reminded me of what I’d heard her say many times, “God doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called,” and whatever I needed to effectively teach the children would come from God. And it started coming before the year was done.

All year my leader had been reminding our group about sharing day–the last day of class when we were to share at the potluck brunch something we’d learned from the study that year. I didn’t want to disappoint my leader but the thought of getting up in front of the entire group of ladies and speaking into a microphone made me nervous. I didn’t know if I’d be able to do it. With the day fast approaching I still wasn’t sure what to share until the answer to a prayer came to me while at a baseball game with friends.

My prayer was for a nice singing voice. Ever since I was told by an elementary school music teacher that I was tone deaf, I’ve avoided singing or sang at whisper volume so no one could hear me. I’m sure my prayer was also prompted by knowing how much of a role singing plays in the children’s ministry and the thought that as teacher next year I’d be lead singer.

One of the verses we were to memorize during the year was Luke 11:9 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” I didn’t see any reason why God couldn’t give me a nice singing voice if I asked Him. So, I asked. I also made it my prayer request for the week, enlisting the ladies in my group to join me in praying. When my voice hadn’t changed any, I began to wonder why.

Then while at the baseball game the answer came to me, only not in the way I had expected. During the seventh inning stretch a six year old boy was introduced to lead the traditional singing of “Take me out to the ball game.” In front of thousands of people, the boy stood up to the microphone and sang with glee. As I found myself singing along and thinking I couldn’t sound any worse than he does, the answer came to me. I thought if that kid could inspire me to sing along with him, maybe others around me during worship, who like me are uncomfortable with their voice, might be inspired to sing when they hear me. So, the answer was not to be given a different voice, but to instead change how I thought about the voice I had been given. And that was what I wanted to share.

I’d written it out and practiced it so much that I had it almost memorized. Yet I couldn’t seem to get through it without crying which made me all the more nervous. So, I prayed “Lord, please don’t let me cry in front of all those people.” Even with all the practice and prayers, when the day came I didn’t think I would be able to share my story. During lunch, my leader curiously asked if I was going to share. I told her I wasn’t sure, and then headed to the ladies room. While in there, I had a little talk with myself and somehow managed to muster up enough courage to actually get in line for the microphone. I prayed while waiting for my turn. When I heard the woman in front of me speaking into the microphone, my heart skipped a beat. It not only meant that I was next, but she was crying and having trouble continuing which brought back my biggest fear. So, I went back to praying, this time for her. I prayed she would have the strength to finish what she wanted to share. It turned out she was able to finish, and then she passed the microphone to me.

Nervously, I introduced myself and began sharing; “Luke 11:9 was the only verse I was able to memorize because I feel my relationship with God has grown based on that promise.” As I recited the verse a peace seemed to come over me. I felt at ease as I continued, even through the part that had usually made me cry; “Asking God my questions and having the answers show up in different ways has made God real to me in a way no one can talk me out of. It has strengthened my faith and told me that God loves me in a way nothing else could.” It seemed very quiet in the room when I got to; “Yet when the question came up in our group about why we don’t always get what we ask for I didn’t have a confident answer to offer. So, I asked God.” As I shared about how I had asked for a nice singing voice and my change in thinking that came as a result, I hadn’t anticipated the gasp that would come from the children’s teachers when I said I couldn’t have sounded any worse than the boy did at the ball game. Quickly, my hand went up as if to calm them until I could finish my point. The applause made me feel good but I was relieved when I was done, and a little surprised it wasn’t as bad as I had anticipated all those weeks.

I still believe God could miraculously give me a nice singing voice, but learning that He could somehow use the voice I had already seemed more valuable for the time. Though I’m really glad God didn’t have me sing to the ladies at the brunch, pressing through my insecurities and having the courage to tell my story in that way had relieved my fear of singing to the children. Sensing God’s power in Anointville encouraged me to follow God further into unfamiliar territory. While preparation continued to ready me for the children in the fall, I’d be shown other capabilities I had unwisely judged about myself.

To be continued . . . see leaderville

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This entry was posted on Thursday, January 21st, 2016 at 3:19 pm and is filed under The road to great faith. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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