Amazed at what I’d done on Singing Place, I thought for sure the Greater Life I’d searched for was just around the corner. That was until I came to Precious Way, where I discovered there was more tucked away in my brain from childhood, keeping me from the greater things to come. God had been making me aware of old beliefs, uprooting them one by one, and clearing the way for His power to work more fully in and through me. Another was revealed to me after God said something that took me a while to finally accept. Pieces from previous lessons came together to help me see why it was so hard to accept and why it was vital that I did.
One of the assignments in a series of classes Jim and I were taking at church called Rooted was to spend some quiet time in prayer and ask God if there was something He wanted to tell us. Then we were to listen carefully for His response. Excitedly, I asked, “Lord, tell me something really good!” Hoping He would tell me something that would change the world, instead, I heard, “You are precious in my eyes.” As lovely as that was to hear, I was expecting something much more important. So I asked, “Is there anything else, Lord?” but nothing else came.
Throughout my journey, God has shown His love for me. And although I was surprised to learn that God also honors me, I’d accepted it and now recognize those times more and more. But the thought that God sees me as precious was harder to accept. It just wasn’t a word I would think to describe myself. I hadn’t had a problem with the Bible verse in Isaiah, where God says, “You are precious in my eyes, honored and I love you.” because I took it to mean all of us, we are all precious in His sight. But now God had said it to me personally, which made it harder for some reason, and I didn’t know why.
After struggling with it for a while, I decided to believe it just because God said it. Jim got onboard and changed his pet name for me from Pumpkin to Precious. He’d even call me from work just to tell me I’m precious. A friend I’d also told began referring to me as Precious when we talked, all to get me used to thinking of myself as precious.
God went about it differently, though. He began showing me evidence of how precious I am to Him. He helped me resolve something I’d long wondered about. It had to do with the woman at church who shared her son’s suicide that then began my journey with God. Her fear of where her son may have ended up had caused me to rethink my plan and instead ask God to take me, which was the best decision of my life. For a long time, I struggled with why I was saved and not her son, and so many others. I wasn’t sure why I decided to finally ask, but I did. I asked, “Lord, why was my suicide plan redirected and not others?” He answered, “Because you are precious in my eyes.” Then I asked, “But isn’t everyone, why weren’t others saved like me?” He answered, “I couldn’t make it known to them.” I had to let that sink in, and when it did, I not only saw the importance of accepting how God sees me, I also saw how sharing it with others could possibly change the world. Still, God had more for me to see.
I was shown a different way of seeing Mary, the mother of Jesus. The Angel that announced she would give birth to the Son of God, first started by telling her she was highly favored by God. I’d always thought that Mary had to be someone special to be chosen for something so important. While still thinking about how highly favored Mary was, the Lord asked me a question that told me Mary wasn’t the only one. He asked me, “What was the purpose of Jesus’ birth, death, and resurrection?” I knew Jesus came to save us from our sins, but at that moment, I realized the reason why. Jesus came to save us–because we are all precious and highly favored by God. I was starting to accept it, but there was still more to know.
One Sunday, during silent prayer time at church, I heard, “I have marked you.” “What?” I said. Then came, “As mine.” I didn’t know what that meant, and there wasn’t time to think about it as the pastor went on with his sermon. The answer came later while watching a pastor on TV that I record and watch after church each week. I wasn’t paying much attention, though, until I heard the word “marked.” He was explaining about being sealed or marked by the Holy Spirit as proof of God’s possession. I couldn’t help but wonder what the Lord was trying to tell me. At first, I thought it was about the sore I had gotten on my knee at the beach when I stumbled in the sand and fell on the pile of wood. The sore was in the shape of a wishbone. I thought it was kind of neat and didn’t mind if it scarred. After watching the sermon again, I was given a clue. The Lord was strengthening my identity as His child to help me to overcome the negative words spoken to me as a child. Still, I wasn’t exactly sure what it all meant.
I’d always thought I had a relatively normal childhood. Sure, sometimes my parents got angry and would say some hurtful things they didn’t mean, but I thought that happens to everyone. Plus, I thought I’d worked through and had forgiven all of that, but apparently, I’d missed something I didn’t know about or didn’t realize was important. That’s when previous lessons began coming together to show me why I was having so much trouble accepting that God sees me as precious. It turned out to be the same reason I had trouble believing that God could honor me or even love me–because I still believed the negative things said about me as a child. Without realizing it, those words had formed what I thought of myself. And what I thought of myself was overriding what God, or anyone, said about me. I began to understand that all I’d learned about God and what He could do through me was dependent on what I could see myself doing. And those negative thoughts still in my brain were blocking me from seeing myself doing anything greater than what I thought I could do.
After being shown my limiting self-image, where it had come from, and the power it still had in my life, I saw that it could be changed. So, my lesson on Precious Way was that I shouldn’t judge how God sees me by how I think of myself. Instead, I should choose to believe what God says about me and allow that to change how I see myself. Changing how I view myself, changes what I can do. And I’m excited to see what that will be!
To be continued . . . see Protection-Beltway
To see other posts go to messageballs.com
