When I’d supported others on their healing journey, it didn’t seem that hard to see where they weren’t trusting Jesus for His healing. It was more challenging when it came time for me to decide a path for my own healing. Making decisions on my own health not only actively challenged my faith but also helped me see where I was on my faith journey.
I’d been having pain in my left shoulder blade with tingling and numbness down my left arm. After praying and declaring my healing in Jesus’ name for a couple of months, I finally told Jim about it. He then made an appointment with a chiropractor he’d gone to who’d been recommended by a friend. The evening before my appointment, a neighbor unexpectedly dropped in for a visit and updated us on his various medical issues. My interest peaked when he shared about needing neck surgery. When he described a pain that started in his neck and went down his left arm, I said I had the same thing. “That’s not good,” he said. He told us that when the pain started, he’d gone to a chiropractor, and the chiropractor got too strong and hurt him.
After our neighbor left, I thought it wasn’t a coincidence he had dropped in and told us that story. Feeling it was the guidance I’d been looking for from God, I told Jim I didn’t want to go to the chiropractor. He assured me his chiropractor was very gentle and wouldn’t hurt me. So, again I was open to the appointment until the following day when I heard Joyce Meyer on TV. She talked about how we ask God for guidance but aren’t willing to do what He says out of fear of going against what others say.
Jim and I argued back and forth about it. When he again told me his chiropractor wouldn’t hurt me, I told him God wouldn’t hurt me either. He said the doctor could do one little tweak, and it would be gone just like that. I said so could God. It could happen as soon as I choose God over the doctor. That’s when I saw the crossroads and what Joyce was warning about. I was tempted to go to the chiropractor just to please Jim. What would it hurt, I thought. It might hurt a lot, according to our neighbor. After explaining to Jim that I wanted to follow where I felt God was leading me even if I was wrong, he said he would call and postpone my appointment.
Then while at Bible study, my worship leader friend told me about a chiropractor that does, what she called, a one-finger touch treatment. She gave me his phone number and later sent me a link to his website. After checking it out, I felt it might be God’s guidance. So I made an appointment, and Jim came with me.
The doctor took x-rays and other tests that included comparing my leg lengths and a scan of my neck that produced a graph. My left leg turned out to be a half-inch shorter than my right, and my number one vertebra was out of alignment. He said it was probably from an old injury that hadn’t healed correctly. He said he could put it in the correct position and that once it’s back in place, my brain would flow correctly through my nervous system again, and my body would heal itself. That sounded good to me. Then he warned that it could be a lengthy process depending on how old my injury was. He explained that after he puts the vertebra in its correct position, it will want to go back to the place it’s been used to for so long and that it takes a few times before it will stay. I would need to be checked twice a week at first, then less and less as it holds for longer periods. He also said it would heal faster if I didn’t take any pain medication. I’d only been taking Advil, but he said he’d be opening up my nervous system, and medicine shuts it down by numbing the pain. After considering all the information, Jim and I agreed to proceed with the treatment plan.
It did turn out to be a long process. It was months before my neck started holding for more extended periods. And almost a year before the pain went away and I could get back to all my regular activities. Getting there was a rough road, though. It seemed to get worse before it got better, and there were times I feared it wouldn’t get better. As the pain in my back continued and my neck got stiffer, I started reducing activities, which ended up being just about everything. The one thing I felt I couldn’t quit was Community Bible Study (CBS) until my newly formed tech team was ready to carry on without me. I often wondered if God had another reason for making it so I wouldn’t leave CBS. It was hard just getting up and dressed, let alone all I needed to do there, so I did take an Advil or two to help me through.
Concerned friends began advising various remedies that had worked for them, such as healing oils, pain patches, stretching exercises, and massages. When I asked the chiropractor about the different things, he’d say they wouldn’t help and would only interfere with what he was doing. He kept reminding me that aligning my neck would allow my brain to flow through my nervous system normally, and my body would heal itself. It made complete sense to me, but when I tried to explain it to others, they didn’t understand and would urge me to see a medical doctor. I was starting to see that my path was not for everyone, but it still seemed right for me.
I was glad Jim agreed and supported me. He had taken me to all my appointments and heard the information from the chiropractor firsthand. He even learned how to check my leg lengths and could tell if my neck was out or holding before my checkups. Even with Jim’s support, the pressure from well-meaning friends to get an MRI became overwhelming, and I gave in. I changed medical insurance to better cover the cost of an MRI, and by the time I saw a primary doctor in the new plan, I’d much improved. The doctor ordered X-rays, the same ones as the chiropractor, no MRI, and prescribed medication. She also told me to stop seeing the chiropractor until we see if the medicine helps or not. Again I found myself at the crossroads deciding whether to stay on the path with the chiropractor where I felt God had led me or switch to the course others had urged me to go. After thinking and praying about it, I decided I would not stop seeing the chiropractor since I was getting positive results.
I’d come to know I didn’t yet have the faith to rely only on Jesus’ name for my healing like I first wanted. But from the resistance, I could tell I was on an Uncommon Path which I learned similarly takes faith. As I kept finding myself at a crossroads, I ultimately admitted that fear and doubt had brought me there. When I did, God said to me, “Now you know.” Relieved, knowing God understood and forgave me, I continued with Him where He removed the source of something holding me back. I’ll tell you about that next time.
To be continued . . . see Edification-Corridor
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My journey from Uncommon Path had brought me to what I would describe as an in-between place, a corridor perhaps. God had shown me I wouldn’t have been so easily swayed by others if it weren’t for my fear and doubt. Thinking if I had enough strength, I’d be able to stay on my path no matter what others said. But God, in His extraordinary wisdom, showed me how He can go about revealing and removing a cause of my fear and doubt.
Neck pain had caused me to quit just about everything in my life. The only thing I didn’t quit was Bible study. If I could have, I certainly would have. But I’d become the Audio/Visual Tech Leader after the two I’d worked with moved away, and I felt I had to stay and teach the two new ladies all I knew. Plus, I felt there may be another reason God had for keeping me there, and I was curious to know what it was.
With my neck finally holding in position, I was feeling better. So much so that I was starting to return to some of my regular activities. Since becoming Tech Leader, I hadn’t attended the Wednesday Leaders meetings. I’d been saving all my energy for the regular Friday Bible study where I was needed to lead my tech team. Now that I was better, I wanted to learn leadership skills to lead more successfully. I would never have thought a lesson on “edification” was what I really needed. I didn’t even know what the word meant at the time. But as it turned out, it was God’s lesson for me.
I couldn’t believe the compliments I was getting on how well I was leading my tech team. Week after week, the leaders prayed and praised God for me. I kept telling them it wasn’t me; it was the two amazing women assigned to help me, but they kept insisting it was my doing. I tried to accept it and be thankful, but inside, I thought, “That’s crazy! I’ve only been trying to teach them everything I know as fast as possible so they can carry on without me if it comes to that!” Like a flood, the compliments continued, verbally and in handwritten cards and notes. I’d never gotten so many compliments. Yet, I wasn’t feeling worthy of any. I sloughed them off, thinking they didn’t really know me. Then one morning, the Lord showed me what it was all about.
It was a difficult morning at Bible study when a particular event moved us to another part of the church from where we usually met. The equipment in that room was a little different. And though we’d met there before, it had been a while. Not only did I need to familiarize myself with the equipment there, but I also had to quickly train my team. Working together, we found and set up the microphones and were able to get all of the screens working. The one thing we couldn’t figure out was how to record. We always provided an audio file of the opening speaker and the teaching for those who couldn’t attend. While my leader tried contacting a tech from the church to help us, my team continued trying everything we could think of. It was stressful, but in those moments when I felt like giving up, something remarkable happened. All those positive words and prayers the leaders spoke about me started running through my mind, encouraging me and reminding me of how much they believed in my ability. I couldn’t let them down. So, I kept going, and so did my team. We never did figure out how to record through the soundboard, but we were able to record on one of our phones which worked out well.
The following week when the word “edification” appeared in our Bible lesson, I was curious about its meaning and looked it up in the dictionary. After reading the definition, I knew it was what I’d been experiencing! I was excited and wanted to share what I’d learned with the leaders who helped bring it about. And there happened to be a perfect question in our lesson for me to share what the Lord had taught me about edification. So, when that question came up at the following Leaders’ meeting, I put my hand up to answer. I shared how on Friday, when things got difficult, all of their prayers and compliments started running through my mind, encouraging and keeping me going. I told them I’d had trouble accepting their edifying words about me because they didn’t align with what I’d heard from my childhood. I began to cry as I told them that God was building me up and strengthening me to do things I didn’t know how to do. As I continued through my tears, I could feel the woman beside me rubbing my back in gentle little circles. As comforting as it was, I later learned there was more to it.
Later, I talked to one of the leaders, telling her that the one next to me was rubbing my back as I shared my story. She then said something that totally hadn’t occurred to me. She said, “That was God washing all those negative words spoken over you as a child from your heart!” I was so amazed! Was that from God, I wondered. Did God arrange for that woman to sit next to me and then rub my back? And then to give me the meaning of it through this other woman? Did He do all of that for me? I was curious to know for sure. So, I asked her if what she said was given to her by the Holy Spirit, and she said yes. When I asked the woman who had rubbed my back the same question, she said she had felt guided by the Spirit. It was another emotional time when I shared at the next Leaders’ meeting what the Lord had done for me right before our eyes and how they all had been a part of it.
My lesson in Edification Corridor wasn’t a new lesson. Throughout my journey, I’d had trouble accepting complimentary words spoken about me. In various ways, God has shown me how He sees me and reminded me that’s how He wants me to see myself. But I always seemed to go back to my old thinking. This time, I was given further understanding. I saw a clear difference in what I was able to do as a result of having positive thoughts about myself. Plus, I witnessed God’s incredible leadership skills in action. I saw firsthand how He goes about leading others to accomplish His healing work in us. I couldn’t have had a better leader to teach me leadership skills! Thank you, Lord!
To be continued . . . see Reflection-Creek
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