The last class in the series Jim and I had been taking at church was scheduled at a hotel on the beach about an hour away as a bit of a retreat. Looking forward to a little time away from caring for my mother I elected the overnight stay option. I had lined up a caregiver to stay with my mom, but the week before the retreat she was admitted to the hospital. It was serious this time. Doctors and nurses had been instructing me about hospice and leading me that way. As a Christian, I wasn’t sure if hospice was the right thing to do and was waiting on God’s guidance, looking for the slightest indication as to what He would have me do. When it came, it came in a way that still blows me away when I think about it.
With all the difficult decisions, I was needing time away from the pressure more than ever. Since my mom was being well cared for in the hospital, we decided to go ahead with our plans to attend the class retreat. I had also decided to focus on what we were learning and wouldn’t talk about what was going on with my mother to anyone while we were there.
The morning of the class, I spotted two available seats next to a woman we had enjoyed discussions with previously. Also already seated at the table was a couple I hadn’t met before. They turned out to be retired missionaries from our church. When they started talking about the book they had written: I Heard Their Cry, I immediately thought our seating arrangement was no coincidence. I had just posted on my blog what was to be the final chapter of my first book: A Different Way and had been researching publishing companies. I was even more surprised to hear their publishing company was one I’d talked to about my book. Now was my chance to learn more about the publisher and the entire process. But as it turned out God had more pressing information for me to learn from these missionaries.
After finishing the buffet style lunch that had been served in our classroom, there was more than an hour left before class was to reconvene. When the missionary couple asked if we’d like to come along for a walk on the beach, I jumped at the chance to talk more with them.
Once we made our way to the beach, Jim and Ray paired up and walked on ahead of Virginia, and I. Virginia started our conversation by casually asking, “How was your week?” Still not wanting to talk about what had been going on with my mother, I said, “Oh, you don’t want to know,” hoping she would change the subject. Instead, she stopped and looked at me with genuine concern.
Then it all spilled out. The whole horrible story about my mom being in the hospital and because of her dementia the doctors were looking to me for decisions on how far to go with treatment, and about them educating me on hospice care and how confused and undecided I was feeling. That’s when Virginia confessed something to me that was so surreal. She said, “I’m a hospice nurse.” Instantly, at that moment, without saying anything we both knew we’d been set up by God. We stood there, crying, looking at each other in utter amazement.
Just by Virginia saying she was a hospice nurse cleared up for me whether it was right for a Christian. Not only was she a Christian, her lifelong service to God as a missionary also told me she was a strong, committed Christian. It couldn’t have been more evident to me that my encounter with Virginia was the guidance I’d been looking for from God. But was hospice what my mother would choose if she could understand?
The fact that my mother was so willing to endure all the medical procedures without complaint still made the decision for hospice hard for me. I’d learned from Home Health Nurses, who had previously come to the house, that even with dementia they would not violate my mother’s will. If she said “No” they would not continue. It was her choice. But this time she hadn’t said no to anything, making me think her will was to proceed with the life-saving treatments.
Soon after the retreat there came the point where a particular procedure was necessary for my mom to live, but would leave her in a condition in which I knew she would not want to live. As hard as the decision was to discontinue all treatment and make her comfortable with hospice care, it was finally clear to me it was the right thing to do for her. It was time to let her go. She was two days in hospice and then in heaven. But was she?
I hoped she was in heaven, but I wasn’t sure. I never was able to get her to go to church with us. But with all the sermons I watched on Christian television she had been exposed to God’s word during the time she lived with us. She had heard us read our Bible aloud and talk about God. She’d also willingly joined hands with us while we prayed at meals. But was it enough?
There was also the time I’d gotten frustrated with her saying, “I can’t!” all the time, especially when it came to exercise. It got to the point where she needed a wheelchair around the house. The wheelchair didn’t fit through the doorway to her bedroom, so she had to walk a few steps to her bed. One day she caught on that I was having her get out of the chair a little further down the hall each time. When she refused to get up, saying “I can’t!” I yelled, “Yes you can! You can have the strength of Jesus!” Instead of getting mad and yelling back like she usually did, she looked at me so sweetly and with a sincere voice said, “I can?” Yes, I said, “All you have to do is ask Him. Do you want to ask Him right now?” She agreed, so together we prayed and asked Jesus to give her His strength. Thinking about it later after she passed, I asked God, “Was that enough for her, Lord? Did she make it with You to heaven?”
The answer came while reading my Bible in Acts 2:21: “Whoever calls on the name of the Lord, will be saved.” I knew she had done that when she called on Jesus for His strength.
Interestingly, while making calls to inform family and friends of my mom’s passing, my cousin, a physician, wanted to know the details of her death. After telling him the whole story, he said, “Wow, she had strength, a younger person couldn’t have taken all of that.”
Caring for my mom was quite a stretch for me, but with God’s help, I went the whole way. And I’m glad I did, I have no regrets. All that could have been done to give my mom every chance to live was done without going too far, leaving her in a condition she wouldn’t have wanted. Best of all I’m at peace knowing she made it to heaven. Thank You so much, Lord!
To be continued . . . see Sheep Road
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I had heard God speak within me and each time had been a profound experience. I‘d also followed God to places way outside my comfort zone, learning to do things I would never have guessed I could do. On Sheep Road I was led to believe that hearing God’s voice and following Him can become more natural than I thought.
About half the way home from visiting our Texas friends we decided to stay the night in New Mexico. While pulling into a parking space in the motel lot, I heard a voice within me say “Park on the other side.” Quickly comparing the two spots I thought, “Oh what’s the difference” and continued into the first space, ignoring the little voice. Unfortunately, while we were leaving, I discovered the difference between the two areas.
As I was backing out of the parking space, there was a loud crashing noise, and our car suddenly stopped and wouldn’t go any further. I had hit something, but what? I couldn’t see anything. It turned out to be a concrete planter directly behind our car, too low to be seen in the rear view mirror. I probably could have seen it in the backup camera and heard the warning beeps if I’d been paying attention instead of talking to Jim at the time. Too late for any of that, the damage had been done. What bothered me the most was ignoring the little voice, especially after realizing that if I’d obeyed the voice, the planter would have been in front of the car allowing plenty of room to safely back up.
It was a hard lesson, but it got my attention and motivated me never again to ignore the voice. Though I tried, there were still times when I wasn’t sure if it was God’s voice or just my own thoughts in my head I was hearing. Feeling unsure about when to follow the voice and when not to, one day the voice showed up to help me.
It happened at Bible study while serving as Audio/Visual Tech–another job I’d been called to do that I knew nothing about. I planned to continue another year as a greeter, a role I’d become quite comfortable in since I was also a greeter at my church. But when I reported to the door the first morning of the new class year, I was asked to serve as an Audio/Visual Tech. “What?! I replied, “I know nothing about that!” After learning that my name had come to the Leaders Council while praying for God to provide someone for the position, what could I say? I wasn’t going to say no to God, so here I go again learning something new.
I was shown to the sound booth and got started by merely doing what I was asked to do. Later there were a couple of training sessions to learn the equipment basics, but mostly I learned by doing each week. Along with setting up the microphones and equipment for the worship team, I was responsible for “mic”ing the Teaching Director before her lecture and removing it afterward. I also advanced the PowerPoint slides by following her cues. This one morning her outline had several more points than usual, and she spoke quickly to fit them all in. So fast that the ladies had trouble keeping up with filling in the answers on their printed outlines before the next slide appeared. A couple of ladies came to the booth during the lecture to inform us about it, and we told them we’d put the answers up at the conclusion.
My routine at the conclusion of the lecture was to make my way up the aisle to remove the teaching director’s microphone, squeezing by all the ladies on their way out. That morning they were blaming me for missing answers on their outlines. One lady even stopped me and said, “You can’t go that fast, you need to slow down!” I quickly answered by saying, “I follow Sharon’s cues.” As I continued to the stage these words came to me: “You knew who to follow in that instance. It can be the same with Me.” Immediately I knew it was the Lord, there was no doubt. I was so excited that by the time I reached the Teaching Director I blurted out what had happened and what I had heard the Lord say to me.
Not long after, I came upon an online sermon series based on what Jesus said about hearing His voice: “My sheep hear My voice, and they follow Me.” Pastor Keith Moore talked about what it said in ways I hadn’t thought of before, pointing out that the only qualifier is being one of His sheep. I knew I was, I had accepted Jesus into my heart and was trying to follow Him, I just hadn’t thought of it as the only requirement to hearing His voice. Also seeing that it’s a fact that His sheep hear His voice confirmed for me that it had been God’s voice I ’d been hearing throughout my journey. So then, if I’d already been hearing His voice, what was the Lord trying to tell me that morning at Bible study?
After some thought, it became apparent that I needed help with the “following” part of the verse since I’d heard His voice and still ended up wrecking the bumper of our car. So I did what pastor Moore did and went line by line dissecting what God spoke to me. First I heard Him say, “You knew who to follow in that instance.” So I asked myself, “How did I know to follow Sharon?” She’s the teaching director, following her came with deciding to accept the Tech position. Each week she goes over her lecture notes, giving me cues, so when I hear her say certain things, I’ll know what to do. That’s when the second part, “It can be the same with Me,” started to make sense. I can follow God the same way I knew to follow Sharon! It’s the same process–following Jesus came with my decision to accept Him into my heart. He has given me a copy of His notes (the Bible) and has put His voice (the Holy Spirit) within me, so when I hear Him say certain things, I’ll know what to do.
It finally dawned on me that the lesson on Sheep Road was on learning how I can follow God’s voice over all the other voices, including my own, that are clamoring for me to follow them. Seeing it so powerfully illustrated in my personal experience helped me to realize I’ve been given everything I need to follow Him. I just need to pay closer attention to what I see in the Bible and to what I hear Him say within me.
To be continued . . . see Legion Hill
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While helping with the check-in desk at my cousin’s church conference, I noticed a man sitting in the corner watching me. When the line caught up, and he made no move toward me, curiously I said to him “Can I help you?” His reply was even more curious: “The Lord has something I’m supposed to say to you, but I don’t know what it is.” What?! I said, “Are you sure it’s for me?” Not only was he sure, he further explained that every time he tried to get up and leave the Lord had him stay. At that point, we were both fascinated as to what the Lord was up to. Hoping the message would come to him we chatted a little. I found out he was the pastor of the motorcycle ministry serving as security for the conference, which calmed my suspicions. About that time word came from inside the meeting for us to quiet down, and so our conversation came to an end.
Later that day I had the chance to talk with the man again. The message still hadn’t come to him, but he was interesting, and I felt there was much to learn from him. As I listened, he began talking about the man in the Bible with many demons called Legion. I knew the story well since it’s where I get my purpose for writing my journey, but I’d never heard what happened to the pigs described in that way before. When he said, “Those pigs couldn’t stand the demons for even a few minutes, and they went and killed themselves” I just knew it was what the Lord wanted him to tell me. Although planning suicide was where my own journey with God had begun, I hadn’t ever connected suicide in that story before, but suddenly there it was.
When I got home, I took a closer look at the story. Other times my focus had been on Jesus telling Legion to go back and tell his friends what God had done for him, which is my purpose verse. This time I noticed the different people that were in the crowd that asked Jesus to leave, the ones Legion was sent back to talk to. Some were the herdsmen who had witnessed their herd run over the cliff after Jesus cast the demons from Legion and they entered the pigs. Many had heard what happened as the witnesses fled to the nearby towns. And many more had heard from those who had heard it from the witnesses as the news quickly spread. When they all rushed out to see for themselves, they found Legion clothed and in his right mind sitting with Jesus. The Bible says they were frightened and asked Jesus to leave. Legion wanted to go with Jesus at that point, but that’s when Jesus told him to go back and tell his friends what God had done for him.
After getting a better look at the people Legion was sent to talk to, I was a little frightened too and questioned the Lord regarding my purpose. “Lord, you want me to talk to people who are mad at You?” His answer to me was, “Keep reading.” Then I saw the very last line at the end of the story that read, “and the people marveled.” How fun, I thought, I could handle that! A few months later the Lord revealed something from my childhood that would give me a more personal view of the story.
Soon after my book “A Different Way” was published I was invited to share my testimony and talk about my book in front of a Sunday school class at our church. While practicing what I had prepared, I started with: “I wasn’t raised knowing God. God was never spoken of in our home.” I felt the Lord interrupt me and say, “That’s not true.” What? I said, “Lord, how can that not be true? When were You ever spoken of in our home?” He answered, “Through the swear words.” Stunned, not knowing what to think, I kept the revelation to myself for a long time.
Thinking back to my childhood, I remembered times of loud swearing which included the words, God and Jesus. I just hadn’t considered that I was learning about God in that way. I wouldn’t think it counted, but apparently, it did. I couldn’t help but think hearing those words in anger, even though at the time I didn’t know what they meant, may have kept me from knowing the love of God sooner in my life. I also wondered how many others had learned about God that way. It could be significant, and important to share with others but at the time I wasn’t comfortable revealing it about myself. Yet, it stayed on my mind.
My mind kept going back to Legion, and to the people who blamed Jesus for the loss of their pigs. I wondered if I’d been raised by someone who had held something against God. It would explain a few things. Another part of the story I’d usually overlooked (because I didn’t understand it) was beginning to make sense. Included at the end of Mark 5:19 where Jesus tells Legion to go back and tell his friends what God had done for him is the phrase, “and how He has had compassion on you.” It was the compassion Jesus had for Legion and his living conditions that moved Jesus to cast the demons from him despite the risk to the pigs. I also began to see the compassion Jesus had for the townspeople even though they asked Him to leave. I saw it as His purpose for sending Legion back to talk to them–so they could also come to understand the compassion God had for them.
It finally occurred to me that I could have been all of the people on Legion Hill at one time or another. I had first heard about Jesus through angry, fearful words. And I may not have directly asked Jesus to leave, but there were times I’d passed on opportunities to learn about Him. Though it came later in my life, I’m grateful for encountering Jesus, to have my demons and doubts driven out through the lessons along this journey. I can relate to wanting to be with Jesus and yet hear the call to go back and tell my friends what God has done for me. So glad, unlike Legion, I can have Jesus with me as I do. And for sure, I’m one who marvels. Now that I’ve learned compassion was God’s purpose for sending Legion back to tell his story, my purpose has become more clear. By telling what God has done for me, I’m extending His compassion to others.
To be continued . . . see Vision Drive
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I’m no longer feeling satisfied with having God help me in my ordinary life. I’m feeling like I want to live the life of Christ that’s now in me. I want faith to do the things Jesus did. I want to see the sick healed, blind eyes opened, and yes, even the dead raised. I believe Jesus still does those things. And I’m so curious to know what the “even greater things” are that He told the disciples they would do. I can’t see how it will come about, but I know they are the desires of my heart.
On a Christian television program, I watched as a woman described a vision she had of the Glory of God coming like a Tsunami. In her mind, she saw people going into hospitals laying hands on the sick and them getting up and going home that day. She saw a healing revival break out in hospitals, schools, churches, and at Wal-Mart. She believed there would come a time when you will hear “Healing line on aisle nine” announced over the loudspeaker. When she said that, I had a little vision of my own. I pictured myself at Wal-Mart, helping a man in a wheelchair who asked me to reach something for him on the top shelf. When I handed it to him, I asked him if I could pray for his healing. “Sure,” he said. A lady who overheard me praying also wanted me to pray for her. So I did. Then I heard it announced over the loudspeaker “Healing line on aisle nine.” When I looked up, there was a long line of people waiting for me to pray for them. Wow, could that really happen, I wondered. I didn’t know, but I was excited and curious.
At my next breakfast meeting with my Bible teacher friend, I shared the vision with her. She told me she believed in divine healing and even shared a couple of times she had been healed. Then she advised me to examine my motives for wanting to see people healed. It seemed obvious to me, but she explained that she had known some, and the Bible tells of those who acted from their egos wanting prestige, the praise of men and money.
It was a good question, so I did as my friend advised and asked myself, “Why do I want to heal people?” Besides helping people be healed and free from tortuous disease, the thought of the power of God coming through me was exciting. Could that be from my ego? The more I thought about it, I felt like I’d already learned that lesson. In the past, I had thought success would make me feel good about myself, but when I failed, it only made me feel worse. It’s been a journey, but learning how God thinks of me has made me feel good about myself in a real and lasting way. There’s nothing that compares to knowing God loves me and is for me. Now when I fail, I know it doesn’t change that I’m a child of God. It just makes me want to learn how to do better next time and who better to learn from than God my Father. My motives now are to know God better and to learn how to accept everything He’s given me to become who He’s created me to be.
When I look around, I see so many sick people. While at a pharmacy waiting for a prescription to be filled, I noticed the entire back wall was shelves full of bags ready to be picked up. And that’s only one pharmacy. How many pharmacies are there in my city, state, country with walls like that one? That’s a lot of sick people, I thought to myself, people that Jesus has already healed by His death on the cross.
Looking back over my journey, I felt I’d been led to want to help others receive what Jesus has provided for them, but trying to explain it to my friend got really confusing. So to keep it all straight in my own mind, I drew a flow chart and then emailed it to her. (See chart above.)
My friend wrote back and said my chart made sense and that longing to serve Christ is the best motivation possible. She said she had known some who wanted to be seen or noticed, but that was not my motivation. She just wanted to make sure that I knew it. She also said there were very few healing ministers, which I had already noticed and wondered why. Very few seem even interested in God’s healing these days. I had bought a Bible study on divine healing that included a video and study guide. I thought it would be fun to do a small group study and invite friends to learn together with Jim and I. So I posted short descriptions of what we would be studying each week on Facebook and invited all interested in joining us. But no one came. So Jim and I enjoyed the refreshments, watched the video, and asked each other the study questions. I was disappointed that no one showed up but kept posting the weekly study descriptions hoping someone would come. Jim and I committed to finishing the study, group style, even though we were the only ones.
Then one morning, I had a revelation about a vision I shared way back in the Opportunityville blog. I was thinking that most of my other blogs were about me putting something or someone above God. Opportunityville had that too, that I had put bowling above God. But I started thinking about the person of great faith that I had placed between God and me. That was new, I didn’t remember ever putting anything in between God and me. Wondering what that was all about, I thought about the vision I described in the blog; about my left foot stepping into the person of great faith, and my right foot stepping into the leadership position. At the time, I thought by doing so, I would become that person, and it would bring me closer to God. But as I continued thinking that’s when the revelation came. I thought about how Jesus is the only person between God and me. And so that person of great faith–would be Jesus! The vision was me stepping into Christ, the author, and finisher of my faith! And He is also my leader! Wow, what a vision!
Vision Drive gave me a lot to think about. I was excited about the amazing possibilities, and at the same time, struggled with thoughts of the kind of life I may be headed toward. With so much still to be learned about the healing Jesus provided on the cross and how to receive it, I have a feeling by the time I’ve learned and accepted who I am in Christ and have stepped into Him, I’ll be ready for whatever comes with it.
To be continued . . . see Trust-Trail
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My desire to see God’s power come through me to heal others in my life greatly intensified when my husband was diagnosed with cancer. Fear could have easily derailed my pursuit for God’s healing as we waded through complicated medical information so focused on what all the numbers meant in terms of treatment and life expectancy. But in those moments of fear, I recognized we weren’t trusting God. Trust Trail took us through some rough territory but would eventually bring us to a new level of faith, together.
One Sunday, a pastor at our church overheard Jim telling a friend about his diagnosis. The pastor later shared with us that he was a few months ahead on the same journey. He then invited us to his home where he and his wife shared what they had been through and what we might expect. Talking with them made us feel that we weren’t so alone. Each week at church, the pastor checked on our progress and answered any questions we were having. And when it came time for Jim’s surgery, he organized a prayer session with the other pastors. After briefly sharing our need, they formed a circle around us, laid hands on us, and prayed. I can’t tell you how much that meant to us.
Something the pastor and his wife emphasized during the time we spent talking with them stuck with me and changed my thinking. They stressed that the two of us were on a journey, together, not just Jim. That thought had me going with Jim to all of his doctor appointments, listening to image scan results, and discussing treatment options. It got even scarier when a spot showed up on one of the images taken to make sure the cancer hadn’t spread. The report stated it was “likely cancer” but to be sure a biopsy was ordered.
Since we were on this journey together, I started involving Jim more in what I was learning about God’s promises for healing. We started reading scripture out loud to each other. We also began watching healing sermons and testimonies regularly on TV and online together. When we discovered one of the pastors we watched on TV also held a Sunday evening healing school service at his church not far from where we live we decided to check it out. It turned out to be much like a regular church service; only the teaching focused on healing scriptures to build faith for healing. After that, anytime a pastor we watched on TV came to a town near us, we went to see them, learned what they had to teach us, and Jim never missed an opportunity for prayer.
We ventured out and gained greater exposure to the knowledge of God’s healing power when my cousin who pastors a small congregation in the Los Angeles area invited us along on her speaking and healing prayer weekend at a private home a few hours away in northern California. A doctor who had been recently healed of stage 4 liver cancer was inviting friends and family for prayer, hoping for her same outcome. My cousin planned to give my book as gifts and have me there to sign them, and it would also be another opportunity for Jim to receive prayer as well. It was an extraordinary experience for us not only to see healing taught and ministered in that type of intimate setting but also for me as a new author. The people were all so friendly, and it was fun getting to know them as I signed their books. But most of all, I was hoping to see a miracle!
The biopsy turned out negative, thank God! And the doctors were confident the cancer had not spread. But with all the prayer, we were expecting the cancer to be all gone. I was surprised, yet so proud of Jim when he boldly asked his doctor to rerun the blood test to see if anything had changed. Though, hesitant at first, his doctor went along with Jim’s wishes and reran the test. When the results hadn’t changed any, surgery was then scheduled.
The surgery was a success! We were told the cancer had been contained in the now-removed organ, leaving no signs it had traveled outside of it. We went home relieved and grateful. However, the results of Jim’s 3-month post-op blood test showed cancer had aggressively returned. So again, we were back to image scans and consultants. This time cancer was found in a part of the body that could quickly spread throughout the system.
While Jim’s doctors were determining a course of treatment or if treatment was even an option, my cousin wanted me to do a book signing at her church. Scheduled for that particular Sunday was a guest healing pastor giving Jim another opportunity to receive prayer. After the teaching, Jim got in the prayer line, and I went to the foyer to sign books for those leaving. When Jim’s turn for prayer came, the minister asked him to get his wife so he could pray for us both. His prayer turned out to be prophetic. He first talked to Jim and told him he was joyful and had faith, adding that we would live a long life and we would do something together. He then turned to me and said I was obviously a woman of God but needed some encouragement. He took my hand and put his other hand on my head and said the Lord was healing the right side of my brain. He also said there was more for me to learn and that God would teach me. He said I would step into a new level of faith and leadership and would teach and testify. As much as the prophetic prayer boosted our faith for a future together, it wasn’t long before I needed another dose of encouragement.
There was a lot on my mind as we sat in an examining room waiting for the radiation oncologist to come in and tell us whether or not he would be able to help us. I wanted to be strong for Jim, but at the same time, I was afraid. I thought about how the Lord had been teaching me to be like a little kid, to have fun, trusting Him. Silently I asked, “Lord, how would I be a little kid in this circumstance?” Quickly He answered back, “In this circumstance, your parents would be here with you.” Suddenly I felt the presence of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit enter the little room. And before I could react, in came the doctor. He told us he had reviewed everything and was confident he was able to kill the cancer.
Trust Trail turned out to be a bumpy road. Through all the ups and downs, twists and turns, we learned that though our faith fails at times, God showed us He is faithful, and in that, we can trust.
To be continued . . . see Practice-Court
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If I wanted to begin seeing the supernatural things of God, I needed to start putting all that I’d learned from scripture, ministers, and prayer meetings into practice in my life. I figured if Jesus spoke out what He wanted to see, that’s what I needed to do. I needed to pray for people, out loud, whenever and wherever the opportunity presented itself. So that’s what I started doing. And when I realized God was coaching me, that’s when the real learning began.
Opportunities abounded while greeting at church. I started to notice when I’d shake someone’s hand and ask, “How are you doing?” they would tell me about some pain or condition they were having. As they passed by, I’d quickly say, “Be well in Jesus’ name.” One morning a lady told me she had lost one of her hearing aids. She had already combed through her house a couple of times to no avail. She didn’t know what she was going to do, explaining it was costly to replace and she couldn’t afford it. Reaching for her hand, I said: “Let’s pray about it.” She agreed so very simply I asked God to show her where to find the hearing aid. After praying, I told her to go about her day, and most likely, it would show up in a place she wouldn’t have thought to look for it.
Later that day, the lady called me all excited. She said she found the hearing aid, and it was on a table she hadn’t thought to look on, just as I had said! She couldn’t wait to tell me about it and had searched through the church directory until she found my number. I was excited for her and motivated, even more, to pray for people whatever their need was.
Sometimes I’d get all caught up in the person’s symptoms, feeling sympathetic, and it wouldn’t occur to me to pray for them. The Lord began pointing out these missed opportunities, like the time Jim and I were at a party next door. We were talking with our neighbor’s sister and husband as they passed their two-week-old baby back and forth between them, trying to keep her from going to sleep. They said the baby slept when they were awake and was awake when they should be sleeping. “We’re so sleep-deprived,” they told us. They had been taking turns being up with the baby, but thought by keeping her awake, she might sleep through the night and hopefully change her sleep pattern. Then suddenly they both got up, handed me the baby saying “don’t let her go to sleep” as they made their way to the dance floor.
As happy as I was to give them a little break, it didn’t take long before the little one started to go to sleep. I tried shifting the baby around on my lap to wake her, but it wasn’t working. She looked so peaceful, I hated to wake her. The parents weren’t happy, though, when they came back and found her sound asleep. On our short walk home, I was feeling bad for them. Then I felt the Lord say, “Why didn’t you pray the baby would sleep through the night?” Good question! Why didn’t I? I couldn’t believe I had that baby in my arms and didn’t think to pray for her!
More and more, as I heard people tell me of their health conditions, I’d ask them if I could lay my hands on them and pray for their healing. Most said yes, and were grateful. Some said no, and I didn’t push it. I also discovered that Christians have different beliefs about what the scriptures mean. When I mentioned to a woman, “And by His stripes, we were healed (Isaiah 53:5),” she said it didn’t mean physical healing. She even laughed that I would think it did. That surprised me knowing she’d been a Christian all her life. I began to wonder if I had it wrong.
Being laughed at challenged me to strengthen my faith for healing. I asked God if it were true that we weren’t physically healed by His stripes. Had I misunderstood? I found in Matthew 8:17 that Jesus fulfilled the Isaiah 53:5 prophesy, saying, “He Himself took our infirmities and bore our sicknesses.” which confirmed for me that physical healing was included. But Jesus continued healing all who were sick, blind, deaf, and dead, giving me the impression that it was ongoing. Later He gave the disciples power and even commanded them to heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, and cast out demons. I couldn’t see how that could be misunderstood, but the Lord had more for me to learn.
I had a revelation while watching a healing minister on TV. She was talking about how if Jesus said to do something, then He also gives the ability to do it. She used Matthew 10:8 as proof, “Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out demons. Freely you have received, freely give.” Her point was that since they had received the power for healing, they can then give healing to others. The revelation I saw was that believers in Christ have not only received healing but are commanded to give it to others. And I didn’t need to convince anyone of it, I just needed to give to others what I have been given. It’s what the apostle Peter must have meant when he told the lame man begging at the temple gate, “Silver and gold I have not but what I have I give to you: In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk.” Peter helped him up, and immediately, his feet and ankle bones received strength. The man went leaping into the temple, praising God. It gave me hope that I would see someone healed!
I prayed for the eyes of the woman who laughed at me to be opened, as mine were. A few weeks later, she complained about pain in her knee. Courageously, I put my hand on her knee and said: “In the name of Jesus be healed.” I was so surprised when immediately she said, “I claim that!” Afterward, the Lord said to me, “Why didn’t you tell her her faith had healed her like I told people?” I thought it was the Lord’s way of letting me know I’d missed an opportunity to confirm the woman’s healing. Yet, the next time I saw her, the pain in her knee was all gone!
For a long time, I’d wanted to be in a Bible study group with those of great faith so I could learn from them. On Practice Court, I realized that I already was. I was in a group with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit and who could have more faith than they! I learned how important it is to form my beliefs by studying the Bible and what God has shown me along my journey and not from what others believe. The more I learned, the more my faith grew to believe I would see miracles if I kept on praying. And so I prayed to see my friend with Multiple Sclerosis healed on this journey to the greater life.
To be continued . . . see Concept-Crossing
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I’d often heard it said that seeing is believing. I’ve also learned in the Kingdom of God quite the opposite to be true–believe and see. Many of those beliefs I’d already switched out, but my journey on Concept Crossing revealed a couple more from my childhood. Tracing where these old beliefs were first formed and how they had shaped my life brought me to places in Graceville I hadn’t been before. It took some courage to go there, but it turned out to be fun.
Oddly, it was something my new eye doctor said that began my journey to Concept Crossing. During my first visit with him, while examining my eyes, he remarked that the vision in my left eye was significantly different than in my right eye. Yes, I told him, my left eye has been weak all my life. That’s when he said something that fascinated me. He said, “Your left eye is only weak because your brain thinks it is.”
That thought had never before entered my mind, and now it was all I could think about. Was it true, I wondered. It seemed reasonable, after all, my brain tells my body how to function, right? The concept was undoubtedly worth exploring, especially coming from a doctor. I remembered as a child, an eye doctor saying that my left eye was weak. Was that when the belief first started? I wore corrective glasses for a while, but they didn’t seem to help. My right eye was strong, which made up for the weakness in the left eye, so I just accepted that was the way I was. Now I was wondering if I’d accepted it unnecessarily. Could changing how my brain thinks about it really improve the vision in that eye?
Applying the concept to improve my vision made me wonder what else I had accepted because of what someone said about me. I thought about being told by an elementary school teacher that I couldn’t sing. I accepted it at the time, assuming some can sing, and some can’t. But could it be that I can’t sing because my brain thinks I can’t sing because of what that teacher said? It’s not surprising that a seven-year-old would believe what her teacher told her, but was it true?
Just for fun, I decided to do some investigating. I sent an email to the worship leader at Bible study asking if she was born with a nice singing voice or did she learn to sing. She quickly wrote back saying she’d been singing since she was a child but that it can certainly be learned. She included the phone number of one of the women she sings with, saying what a good voice teacher she is. I stared at that phone number and laughed. I told Jim about it, but he didn’t think it was so funny. He actually encouraged me to call her. No, no, no, I told him, taking singing lessons would be like getting naked in front of a stranger, and there’s no way I could do that!
God has a funny way of encouraging me too. I did another book signing at my cousin’s church, and there just happened to be a former Worship Pastor as guest speaker that week. After service, my cousin invited Jim and I to lunch with them and the worship pastor. During lunch, the pastor asked if we had any questions he could answer. I couldn’t help but ask the same question I asked my Bible study worship leader, “Can singing be learned, or is it a gift some are born with?” Before answering, he asked me to sing a little following along with him. Though he said, it could be learned the expression on his face after I sang told me it wasn’t for everyone. So I decided to give up the idea.
The next Sunday at our church, the sermon was on the Last Supper. My pastor went on and on, describing how Jesus undressed himself to wash the disciples’ feet. Jim nudged me and whispered in my ear, “I know what you’re thinking.” At that moment, I knew there was no denying that God wanted me to take singing lessons. So, when we got home from church, I contacted the voice teacher my worship friend had recommended.
If somehow I could still think the events that led me to surrender to singing lessons were only a string of coincidences, what happened next put that notion to rest. I couldn’t believe my ears when one of the location options to meet for my lessons was at my church! The voice teacher turned out to be the music teacher at the Christian Middle School, located at our church. That blew me away! How much more obvious can it get? The only way out of these lessons would be to say “no” to God, and that would be even harder to do. We decided to meet during her lunch hour at church–so amazing!
In preparation for my first lesson, my teacher asked for a list of songs I wanted to learn. Throughout my life, I’d been uncomfortable having to sing even simple songs like Happy Birthday, Take Me Out to the Ball Game, and Jingle Bells. Not to mention all the worship songs once I started attending church. Even not singing was uncomfortable at church, thinking others were noticing I wasn’t singing. I would intentionally come late to avoid singing. When we became greeters, being outside during worship solved all those problems. Along with the list of songs, I was asked to bring a device to record my sessions so I could play them back during the week and practice in between lessons.
Vulnerable, humbling, and weird might be some words to describe how I felt before the first lesson. Besides, I figured God must be up to something considering all He did to get me there. The lessons began with some exercises to test out my voice. To measure my range, she had me scream as loud as I could, which comes easy for me. She also said she could hear my range in my laugh, something else that comes easy. Holding my breath as long as I could wasn’t hard either since I’ve always been a relatively good swimmer. Then came the part I’d feared for so long, but the courage I needed came. She played the piano, and together we sang songs from my list, and before I knew it, our time was up. She said we could meet the next week again, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to commit to every week. So, we decided on every other week and went from there.
We went at that pace for a couple of times. I learned some worship songs I was used to hearing at church and Bible study. It was challenging, but my voice was coming along, and it was starting to be fun. And then something happened that speeded up the whole process. I’ll tell you about that next time.
To be continued . . . see Singing-Place
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I’d followed God into taking singing lessons, but I was getting the idea there was more to it than just learning to sing. As I turned onto Singing Place, I was reminded of why I wanted to follow God. And was given a compelling purpose that motivated me to do something I never imagined I would ever do. It was an unbelievable journey, and through it, I learned what it takes to do the uncomfortable things God leads me to do–what I’ve come to refer to as scary-fun.
I started thinking I could learn to sing faster and surprise my teacher if I knew how to read music. Wrong! After watching a video on the subject, I was overwhelmed at how much there was to learn. I wanted to give up singing altogether, but my husband encouraged me to continue. Then while listening to my recorded lesson, I heard my teacher say that she wasn’t telling me a lot of technical stuff. She didn’t want me to get caught up trying to remember it all and would instead guide me. She also explained different tones come from either my throat, my chest, or my stomach, which I hadn’t understood before. Suddenly all the testing and exercising of those parts of my body made sense. So I decided to trust my teacher and let her guide me to what I’m ready to learn. After all, why would I want to learn on my own anyway when God had given me an excellent voice teacher.
More determined than ever to pay attention and do whatever my teacher told me to do, I prayed for her, and that God would guide her to what He wanted me to learn. I also bumped up my practice time between lessons. Each day I’d listen to my session recordings and do all the exercises and sing the songs. When I didn’t understand something, I’d rewind and listen again or ask about it at my next lesson. My teacher was amazed that I was grasping complex concepts and how quickly I was progressing. She kept saying I was progressing at light speed.
Seeing the difference a few lessons can make, I began getting the impression I was to encourage others who think they can’t sing. I wasn’t sure how that would come about until someone at Bible study asked me if I was going to sing at Sharing Day, which was just a few weeks away. “I’ve only had a couple of lessons, and I couldn’t be ready to sing to anyone by that time,” I told her and tried to put the scary thought out of my mind.
Then I realized I had already been singing to people. I’d been singing to the severely autistic man next door who screams and pounds on the wall so loud that I can hear him through my closed window. I thought if I can hear him, then maybe he can hear me singing. So I started opening my window when I practiced, hoping hearing words to worship songs like Amazing Love and How Great is Our God would give him peace. I started practicing on my walks and would sing to Jim and our dog, Sandy. One day at the cemetery, I sang Amazing Grace to Jim’s mom, knowing it was her favorite song. It was a special moment, and it started me thinking if I was to get up the nerve to sing at Sharing Day, the first verse of Amazing Grace might be the way to go.
To get my teacher’s thoughts on the idea, I emailed her about the impressions I was having. She replied, “Always using your gifts and stepping out in faith is a good idea.” She also suggested I come for a lesson during the week and see where my heart settles afterward. I also shared what I was contemplating with my Bible teacher friend at our breakfast meeting. She has a beautiful singing voice and a lifetime of experience. I trusted her opinion, but I didn’t think she would ask me to sing to her right there in the restaurant! I felt so naked that I covered myself with my arms and said, “no.” When she kept insisting I sing softly so only she could hear me, I finally gave in. She said I had a sweet clear voice and encouraged me to sing at Sharing Day, even wishing she could be there. I didn’t expect that! Taking another step, I asked my singing teacher if she thought I could be ready to sing the first verse of Amazing Grace by Sharing Day. She said the most amazing thing–yes! So the race was on.
I started going weekly for a lesson, focusing on the first verse of Amazing Grace. When I’d sung it correctly a few times while following my teacher and closely matching her sounds, she introduced a new concept–Muscle Memory. She had me sing it on my own, explaining that Muscle Memory would take over, and it would come out as I had practiced it. My teacher was amazed that I was singing A Capella with just a few lessons. It was so encouraging that I started working on the story I would tell before the song.
Our Bible Study that year had been on the prophet Isaiah. I connected with Isaiah when I read that God had him go around preaching in the streets–naked! I’d also been learning about the righteousness of God, trying to grasp and accept that on the cross, Jesus exchanged His righteousness for my unrighteousness. I wasn’t sure how to work that into the story until I’d gotten off-key singing for my teacher for the last time before the big day. My teacher helped fix it, but finding out that Muscle Memory can fail freaked me out. I wanted to back out of the whole thing and probably would have if it wasn’t for the message I had already prepared. Plus, I had invited my Bible teacher friend as my guest so she could see me sing. It all came into play as I walked up to the microphone in front of 190 women and began telling my story.
I began by saying I had related to Isaiah when I read that God had him preach naked and that taking singing lessons had me feeling the same way. I shared about being told by an elementary school teacher that I couldn’t sing. And how the question “Is singing a gift some are born with or can it be learned?” had led me to singing lessons. After briefly telling some of what I’d learned, I planned to sing my song. Not sure how it would turn out, I prayed out loud, “I hope the Holy Spirit comes through for me right now. But whatever happens, I know that Jesus took His clothes off so I can be clothed with His righteousness, and that can never be taken from me. Thank You, Lord.” Then I took a calming breath and out came “Amazing Grace, How sweet the sound, That saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now I’m found, Was blind, but now I see.”
When I finished, everyone applauded. My teacher told me she was proud of me, and others were amazed at my courage. It was so scary it was actually fun! The best part was when a young girl from the teen class came up to me and asked, “So it can be learned?” which told me I had accomplished my purpose. And for that, I was grateful.
To be continued . . . see Precious-Way
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Amazed at what I’d done on Singing Place, I thought for sure the Greater Life I’d searched for was just around the corner. That was until I came to Precious Way, where I discovered there was more tucked away in my brain from childhood, keeping me from the greater things to come. God had been making me aware of old beliefs, uprooting them one by one, and clearing the way for His power to work more fully in and through me. Another was revealed to me after God said something that took me a while to finally accept. Pieces from previous lessons came together to help me see why it was so hard to accept and why it was vital that I did.
One of the assignments in a series of classes Jim and I were taking at church called Rooted was to spend some quiet time in prayer and ask God if there was something He wanted to tell us. Then we were to listen carefully for His response. Excitedly, I asked, “Lord, tell me something really good!” Hoping He would tell me something that would change the world, instead, I heard, “You are precious in my eyes.” As lovely as that was to hear, I was expecting something much more important. So I asked, “Is there anything else, Lord?” but nothing else came.
Throughout my journey, God has shown His love for me. And although I was surprised to learn that God also honors me, I’d accepted it and now recognize those times more and more. But the thought that God sees me as precious was harder to accept. It just wasn’t a word I would think to describe myself. I hadn’t had a problem with the Bible verse in Isaiah, where God says, “You are precious in my eyes, honored and I love you.” because I took it to mean all of us, we are all precious in His sight. But now God had said it to me personally, which made it harder for some reason, and I didn’t know why.
After struggling with it for a while, I decided to believe it just because God said it. Jim got onboard and changed his pet name for me from Pumpkin to Precious. He’d even call me from work just to tell me I’m precious. A friend I’d also told began referring to me as Precious when we talked, all to get me used to thinking of myself as precious.
God went about it differently, though. He began showing me evidence of how precious I am to Him. He helped me resolve something I’d long wondered about. It had to do with the woman at church who shared her son’s suicide that then began my journey with God. Her fear of where her son may have ended up had caused me to rethink my plan and instead ask God to take me, which was the best decision of my life. For a long time, I struggled with why I was saved and not her son, and so many others. I wasn’t sure why I decided to finally ask, but I did. I asked, “Lord, why was my suicide plan redirected and not others?” He answered, “Because you are precious in my eyes.” Then I asked, “But isn’t everyone, why weren’t others saved like me?” He answered, “I couldn’t make it known to them.” I had to let that sink in, and when it did, I not only saw the importance of accepting how God sees me, I also saw how sharing it with others could possibly change the world. Still, God had more for me to see.
I was shown a different way of seeing Mary, the mother of Jesus. The Angel that announced she would give birth to the Son of God, first started by telling her she was highly favored by God. I’d always thought that Mary had to be someone special to be chosen for something so important. While still thinking about how highly favored Mary was, the Lord asked me a question that told me Mary wasn’t the only one. He asked me, “What was the purpose of Jesus’ birth, death, and resurrection?” I knew Jesus came to save us from our sins, but at that moment, I realized the reason why. Jesus came to save us–because we are all precious and highly favored by God. I was starting to accept it, but there was still more to know.
One Sunday, during silent prayer time at church, I heard, “I have marked you.” “What?” I said. Then came, “As mine.” I didn’t know what that meant, and there wasn’t time to think about it as the pastor went on with his sermon. The answer came later while watching a pastor on TV that I record and watch after church each week. I wasn’t paying much attention, though, until I heard the word “marked.” He was explaining about being sealed or marked by the Holy Spirit as proof of God’s possession. I couldn’t help but wonder what the Lord was trying to tell me. At first, I thought it was about the sore I had gotten on my knee at the beach when I stumbled in the sand and fell on the pile of wood. The sore was in the shape of a wishbone. I thought it was kind of neat and didn’t mind if it scarred. After watching the sermon again, I was given a clue. The Lord was strengthening my identity as His child to help me to overcome the negative words spoken to me as a child. Still, I wasn’t exactly sure what it all meant.
I’d always thought I had a relatively normal childhood. Sure, sometimes my parents got angry and would say some hurtful things they didn’t mean, but I thought that happens to everyone. Plus, I thought I’d worked through and had forgiven all of that, but apparently, I’d missed something I didn’t know about or didn’t realize was important. That’s when previous lessons began coming together to show me why I was having so much trouble accepting that God sees me as precious. It turned out to be the same reason I had trouble believing that God could honor me or even love me–because I still believed the negative things said about me as a child. Without realizing it, those words had formed what I thought of myself. And what I thought of myself was overriding what God, or anyone, said about me. I began to understand that all I’d learned about God and what He could do through me was dependent on what I could see myself doing. And those negative thoughts still in my brain were blocking me from seeing myself doing anything greater than what I thought I could do.
After being shown my limiting self-image, where it had come from, and the power it still had in my life, I saw that it could be changed. So, my lesson on Precious Way was that I shouldn’t judge how God sees me by how I think of myself. Instead, I should choose to believe what God says about me and allow that to change how I see myself. Changing how I view myself, changes what I can do. And I’m excited to see what that will be!
To be continued . . . see Protection-Beltway
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With powerful lessons still circulating through my mind from Precious Way, God gave me something new to think about. He said to me, “Many have pondered, but few have seen the miraculous view of heaven.” At first, I thought the greater life of miracles I’d been wanting to see was about to begin. The more I thought about it, though, the more I wondered what He meant by “the miraculous view of heaven.” So I asked, “What does that mean, Lord?” His answer only made me more curious. All He said was, “You’re on the right track.” Protection Beltway seemed like a collection of unrelated experiences. Still, by the time I made my way around, I’d come to a greater understanding of the miraculous view of heaven.
The Lord was still pointing out things I trusted instead of Him. He caught me with another one shortly after our dog, Sandy, passed away. Without Sandy to protect me, I began feeling a little insecure about being home alone. I hadn’t realized it until one day while locking our bedroom window I felt the Lord say, “Why would you not think I would protect you?” It was a good question, so I asked myself, “Yeah, why would I not think God would protect me?” Thinking back over the previous week, I remembered sermons I’d seen on God’s protection and suspected they had been for this moment. So, I went back and watched those sermons again. I also read books on God’s promises of protection, others on angels and their role in protecting us, and Psalm 91 from the Bible.
Further around the beltway came an experience that showed me how judging can get me off track. After church one Sunday, Jim and I stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few things. While waiting to check-out, I noticed the only thing the woman in front of us had on the conveyor belt was a bunch of roses. How fun, I thought, and then said, “Oh, someone’s getting roses!” The woman looked at me and said, “I’m visiting the cemetery for Halloween.” All kinds of weird thoughts flooded my mind at that point. Yet, I had just come from a sermon on judging, and so I only said, “Oh?” Then, the woman explained that her mother lived to be 95 years old and loved to give out candy to the children on Halloween. That’s why she chooses Halloween to visit the cemetery. Because I didn’t judge, I was able to share a special moment with a stranger in the grocery store, both teary-eyed as she remembered her mother.
God spoke something else to me that let me know He was helping me to stay on track. During a discussion in my Bible study group about Eve wanting to be like God, I said, “She was already like God, just didn’t know it.” My group leader quickly added, “No one can be at the same level as God because He created us.” I agreed, and the conversation ended. Later I felt the Lord say to me, “Don’t worry about being too much like Me, you can’t. Worry more about not being enough like Me.” I admit, at times, I had worried about making the same mistake as Eve. Relieved to know I can’t, I became more confident in my desire to do the works of Jesus.
While packing up the Christmas decorations, one of the ceramic choir boys I inherited from my mother fell off the shelf and shattered into quite a few pieces. I was heartbroken. The choir boys seemed to mean the most to me with all my mother had given me over the years. I remembered how precious they were to her. As a child, I watched how carefully she wrapped each and packed them away for the next year. When I saw Jim picking up the pieces, I knew he would try and glue them together. I told him I didn’t want to keep broken stuff glued together and begged him to throw them away, which he promised to do. Later he confessed to digging them back out of the trash and piecing them together so he could search for one on eBay. And he had found one just like it. “I already let it go, I told him, and will be happy with the two that are left.” He said he’d seen the disappointment on my face and wanted to buy it to complete the set from my mom. Sometimes I’m overwhelmed by how much my husband will do to make me happy.
When the choir boy arrived in the mail, Jim and I had a special moment as we carefully unpacked and looked him over. He was perfect. Jim said, “Your mom is smiling right now.” Since all the other decorations had already been put away, we decided to keep the new Choir Boy out and enjoy him during the year. And so, I put him on the shelf in the dining room. And Jim moved him a little farther back on the shelf.
I received some insight after I started having pain in my left heel. I prayed and believed that my foot was healed by Jesus’s wounds, but the pain persisted. Even the heel and arch support inserts I put in my shoes hadn’t worked. While talking to God, I asked, “Lord, I know my feet have been healed by Jesus’s wounds, so why hasn’t my healing manifested? What do I need to do?” In the book “The Prayer Of Protection” by Joseph Prince, I read that God has provided everything, but what we receive depends on how much we think God loves us. The more we know how much God loves us, the more we will receive from Him. What I read resonated with me since my lessons from Precious Way had been about increasing my knowledge of how much God loves me. It also told me I wasn’t trusting God to protect me because I still didn’t know just how much He loves me. Then my mind went to the broken choir boy. I thought about how I wouldn’t accept him glued together, and that Jim bought me one just like it whole and new, and then I realized–that’s what God did for us!
To receive more of what God has promised, I was led to an even deeper understanding of how much God loves me. The broken choir boy showed me a different way of looking at my new birth in Christ. I saw that I’m not broken and pieced together like I once thought. Instead, like the new choir boy, I am whole and new. God loves us so much that He couldn’t leave us in our broken condition after Adam and Eve’s fall, and devised a plan to buy us back through His son Jesus Christ. Before coming to Protection Beltway, I thought that renewing my mind to God’s thoughts and ways meant I was becoming a new creation. But now I see that it’s already happened. The Bible says the moment I accepted Christ, I became a new creation, and the old has passed away. So, now that I understand my mind is being renewed to the knowledge that I’m already whole, I need to think of myself that way. Now that I have seen the miracle of my new birth from God’s point of view, I wonder how different my life will look from here.
To be continued . . . see humble-alley
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