What’s my Blog about?
It’s about talking to God, asking questions and seeing the answers show up in various places, which led me to a closer relationship and trust in God that I hadn’t before known.
It’s about how I got to know myself and began to love myself in a way I hadn’t before, which then allowed me to love others in a way I was unable to before.
It’s about finding . . . I want to say happiness because that is what I was looking for when I started talking to God . . . but I have to say, what I actually found is more of an indescribable joy that feels so good I hope it never ends.
It’s about sharing my thoughts, experiences, and lessons learned while talking to God in hopes you’ll be encouraged to talk to God too.
It’s about encouraging you to share your thoughts, experiences, and lessons learned while talking to God in hopes they’ll also encourage others to talk to God.
To start from the beginning go to messageballs.com
I’d come a long way with all the lessons on love. My view of a lot of things was changing, and because of it I’d become more loving and compassionate. In Acceptanceville it was all turned up a notch when a side lesson, while studying the gospel of Luke, showed me some of what I hadn’t been seeing. It ended up changing my whole outlook on life and how I viewed myself and others.
It started with something I read in our weekly lesson that challenged me. Jesus said in Luke 6:37 “Do not judge, and you will not be judged”. I didn’t take it as that God would judge me, I already knew I had been forgiven through faith in what Jesus did on the cross. But I was looking for a better life here on earth, so I took it to mean “Do not judge, and you will not be judged by others”. It got me to wondering if I had something to do with the criticism that had come my way. Had I somehow brought it on by judging others? I didn’t know how it all worked exactly, but I was at the point where I was willing to find out. So, trusting Jesus, I decided to start looking at my own thoughts.
At first, whenever I would notice a judgmental thought I would stop and call it what it was. “That’s a judgmental thought” I would think to myself. Just interrupting the thought in that way would most times cause it to go away. The more I began to recognize my judgmental thoughts, especially those about other people, the more I felt bad for thinking them and wanted to change. So, I decided that whenever I noticed a judgmental thought, I would change it to something more positive. If I saw something that I didn’t like about someone I would immediately try and find something that I did like about them. At a certain point it occurred to me that it took some sort of judgement to determine a good thought from a bad one. So, for a while, I tried to chase away all judgmental thinking. Then I remembered that in the beginning God judged everything as “good”. That’s when I decided that “good” thoughts could stay. Slowly, my thoughts began to change from negative to positive, from critical to complimentary. That’s when I felt myself searching for the good in people, and in situations, instead of always first looking for what’s wrong. I started seeing more of what was right and good in everything.
From there I began to see how I had been judging everything according to what I thought it should be. Then one day while going over some artwork with a client, I noticed something he said quite often. Whenever there was something that couldn’t be changed, something that needed to be there in a specific place and size, my client would say “it is what it is”. Thinking about it later, I thought what a great way of accepting things as they are. I liked it and decided to adopt it for myself.
Later on, I thought why couldn’t I apply that same phrase to people too. People are what they are. Who am I to try to change them? I started to think that by me judging someone, I was trying to make them into what I wanted them to be. And when I couldn’t get them to fit into what I thought they should be, I’d get frustrated and conflicts would most always follow. I started to see how much people don’t like feeling judged, it makes them mad. It makes me mad. And it makes me feel bad about myself, like there’s something wrong with me. That’s when I realized that we all want to be accepted for who we are, and it hurts when we aren’t.
Laying down my judgmental thoughts not only allowed me to begin accepting people and things the way they are, but something else changed too. My own guilt and inadequacies began to fade and I began to accept myself. Instead of being focused on the inadequacies of others, my eyes began to open to their uniqueness and what I could learn from them and enjoy. I was also much more able to see their needs and how I could possibly be of help to them. I started to view everyone as a forgiven child of God whether they realized they were or not. I started to see that everyone has potential whether they display it or not. And once I started to see it in others, I couldn’t help but see it in myself.
After accepting myself for who I am, I noticed a change that I hadn’t expected. I didn’t feel the need to compete or compare myself with others as much. There didn’t seem to be any reason to defend myself either, if only in my own eyes. Everyone and everything became friendlier. I discovered how much fun it is to help and encourage others and to work together to bring about good. A lot of what I had been frustrated with, to the point of anger, seemed to change on its own, and most of the time I was the one who ended up changed.
No longer seeing things as an enemy, or something that needed to be changed allowed me to see the way things really are instead of how I thought they should be. More importantly I saw that by looking at things as how I thought they should be, I was limiting everything I saw. Judging things through only my own knowledge and understanding had kept my life to only what I knew. Not judging, opened me up to the greater possibilities that I didn’t know and couldn’t see. My life began to open, to enlarge, and to brighten.
There were so many lessons in Acceptanceville, each one changing how I viewed life in ways I could never have anticipated. The truth is, I never would have found my way there if I hadn’t first just did what Jesus said to do. It’s not something I could have understood unless I had experienced it for myself. It’s almost like the very thing I was to overcome there was the thing that kept me from finding my way there in the first place. It was there all along, I just couldn’t see it. Some of the stuff Jesus says is not easy to understand. That’s why the most valuable lesson from my journey through Acceptanceville was letting go of my need to understand everything up front. I learned that if I just do what Jesus says to do, I’ll begin to understand in a whole new way. It’s all so amazing. Seeing all that I got out of that one act of obedience has made me want to trust Jesus to an even greater extent so I’ll be able to see even greater possibilities. I’m excited to see what they will be.
To be continued . . . see Opportunityville
To start from the beginning go to messageballs.com
On my journey so far, God had been getting His messages to me at church and through books, songs, and other people. Though I seemed to recognize when it was from God, I was wanting to be able to hear from Him in a more direct way. I was also wanting increased faith. Both those desires were answered, quite amazingly, in Opportunityville.
It all started one Sunday morning at church while greeting, when one of my favorite associate pastors asked me if Jim and I would be interested in taking a 10 week leadership class. He briefly explained that the class would be taught by he and our head pastor at the time, and their wives. They were offering biblical leadership principles hoping to train future leaders for small group Bible studies. He asked me to talk it over with Jim, and then let him know our decision.
It turned out Jim wasn’t as interested in it as I was. He actually had no interest in being a group leader. The thought of being a group leader scared me, but I was excited about the opportunity to learn and spend time each week with these pastors. For some reason I had in my mind that my faith would increase just by being exposed to people I thought had great faith. Jim may have eventually gone along because I wanted to, but once we found out the class was being held on our bowling night, Jim was out. I struggled with it though. As much as I enjoyed bowling, and that time with Jim and the others on our team, I was having a hard time passing up the opportunity to spend time learning and growing from pastors I admired so much. It all went back and forth in my mind until a single thought made it very clear what my decision should be–could I put bowling above God?
The thought of putting bowling above God sounded really silly to me. I could tell that Jim wasn’t happy about the idea of me taking 10 weeks off from bowling, yet he did encourage me to go ahead on my own if I wanted. How would my teammates feel about it, though? I decided to talk it over with them before telling the pastor I would take the class. The next morning I woke up remembering something–the invitation was for both Jim and I. If Jim didn’t take the class, did it mean I couldn’t either, I wondered. So, I emailed the question to the pastor. His reply was that it’s important for couples to grow together. I had already noticed that Jim and I seemed to be growing at a different pace. The thought that it could cause a problem in our marriage hadn’t occurred to me. As much as I was wanting to grow in faith, I certainly wouldn’t want to hurt what Jim and I had together.
There was no way I was going to talk Jim out of bowling, besides there was also the financial aspect to consider. Even though we wouldn’t be bowling, we would still be responsible for the league fees each week. I was willing to bear it, but it would be expensive for both of us. There was so much adding up against this opportunity that I finally came to the conclusion that we should just wait until the next time they offer the class, and hope it’s on a different night of the week.
Tuesday night, after making my decision, I bowled a 200 game with 5 strikes in a row! I couldn’t help but take it as confirmation that I had made the right decision. I also shared with our teammates what I had been considering. I hadn’t thought they’d be happy about it, but their reaction surprised me. They were upset that I didn’t have the same level of commitment to the team that they had. Although I could see their point, I still thought I shouldn’t let it interfere with what God had for me to do. After talking with them, I was really glad I had already made the decision.
Feeling somewhat disappointed, I shared the story with my new Bible study group leader during a get-to-know-you lunch. I told her about the opportunity and how I wanted to take the class, not so much to be a group leader but, to be around people of great faith. She told me that putting my faith in people wasn’t a good idea, that I should always be looking to Jesus. When I heard her say it, I knew she was right. That night I had trouble sleeping. What we had talked about kept going through my mind and I felt bad when I realized I had been putting the person of great faith in-between me and God. So, I told God I was sorry, and that I was going to give up the idea.
The next morning I woke up to a couple thoughts that seemed to be speaking to me. The first thought said “You step into that position”. Not knowing what the thought was referring to, I said, “What?!” Immediately came another thought that said, “You be that person of great faith you are looking for”. Right away I knew it was God speaking to me. I knew because the idea of me being that person is something I wouldn’t have thought of. But, it did seem like something God would have. Then in my mind I saw myself step forward. My left foot stepped into the person of great faith, and my right foot stepped into the leadership position.
Sunday at church while I was greeting, again the pastor came to talk to me. I explained our conflict with the schedule, and that although I would be willing to skip bowling for the 10 weeks, Jim was not. Then he told me that if I still wanted to, I could attend the class by myself. By that time I was already at peace with my decision, thinking it had been confirmed and blessed by God with the 200 game I had bowled. And so I told him we’d wait for the next class.
Even though the opportunity didn’t work out, I had learned so much through the decision process, that I wondered if I had grown more than if I had taken the class. Again, I had been caught trying to get something through my own means, instead of going to God with it. When I finally did, not only did God speak to me directly, but by Him telling me to be that person of great faith, must have meant He thought that I could be. And that thought, increased my faith greatly. Still, I didn’t feel ready for the idea of being a leader, more on that to come.
To be continued . . . see Promiseville
To start from the beginning go to messageballs.com
While in pursuit of great faith I found myself wanting to better understand God’s promises and how they could help me in my life. Even more so, I wanted to understand why I didn’t always get what was promised. One reason was illustrated for me when the verse I was to memorize for my Bible study lesson came to life during a walk through Promiseville.
While walking with my husband Jim and our dog Sandy one Sunday afternoon, I was reciting Luke 11:9 over and over again. “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Besides wanting to be able to recite it from memory for my next class, I was also wanting to understand if it was suppose to be three separate promises or if it was a progression of persistence as asked in the lesson.
As I was trying to work it out in my mind, hoping it would eventually all make sense, we came up behind a man who was walking really slowly. So slow that I assumed he had some type of disability. As we passed by him, I said “Hello.” Then I heard him yell up to us and ask “Where is Sunkist School?” I yelled back to him and said “It’s in the other direction, a few blocks down.” But the man waved us on like he didn’t believe me, and said “Oh, that’s okay, I’ll find it.”
As we continued walking, I began to question what the man had said. I couldn’t understand why he would ask where the school was, then ignore the answer and continue in the wrong direction. How did he think he would find it, I wondered. Then the memory verse came to my mind again. I thought; what if you ask, like that man did, but then reject the answer, how will you find? I remembered the question in our lesson about it possibly being a progression. At the time I thought of it as separate steps of faith; first you ask, if you don’t get an answer, then you seek, if you don’t find, then you knock. But the verse said you WILL find, which started me wondering about all the times I thought I didn’t get answers. Could I have actually been given the answer but didn’t recognize it, or ignored it because it wasn’t the answer I expected, or simply didn’t trust it, and that’s why I didn’t find? That man sure gave me a different way to think about it, and it got me thinking he may have been an angel sent to help me understand the verse.
As we started our way home I noticed the man again. This time he was standing up against a tree and seemed to be holding onto it. As we passed by I said to him “Are you alright?” He answered “No, I’m in pain and need help.” Uh oh, I thought to myself, he must not be an angel after all. So, we backed up and asked how we could be of help to him.
He said he was having trouble walking but wanted to get home which was a few blocks down the street. He thought he could make it if one of us walked with him and held onto him. So, Jim held onto the man, I took Sandy’s leash, and we all proceeded to walk towards where the man said he lived. Slowly, at a snail’s pace, we walked. We hadn’t gotten very far when I suggested we go and get our car. The man kept insisting he could make it, but I was thinking at this rate it was going to take the rest of the day and into tomorrow. When he finally agreed, we decided Jim would be faster at getting the car. So, Sandy went with Jim, and I stayed with the man.
We talked as we continued walking. Polite chit chat at first, he told me his name was Bud and I told him mine. Before I knew it we got into quite an interesting conversation when Bud looked at me and said “What you must think of me”. Without thinking I said to him “Oh, you’d be surprised at what I thought of you.” He didn’t say anything but looked curious, like he really wanted to know. At that point I was really tempted to just change the subject out of fear of what he might think of me, but something in me wanted to tell him the truth. So, I bravely said “I thought you were an angel sent from God.” Then he got a strange puzzled look on his face, like he must not have heard me right. So, I recited the memory verse for him and explained that I thought he was an angel from God sent to help me understand it more fully. After telling him the whole story, I asked him if he believed in God. He told me he believed in a Supreme Being. He went on to say that he believed in the Signs and that he was a Capricorn, and that Jesus was also.
Finally, Jim came with the car. Good thing because Bud had some trouble remembering exactly how to get to his house. After pointing us down a few streets we did happen to find his house. Jim pulled into the driveway, immediately I jumped out of the car and knocked on the front door.
When his wife came to the door she was angry, yelling that he had left more than two hours ago to get chicken, and where was it, she asked. I tried to tell her that he wasn’t feeling well and should be checked out by a doctor, but she didn’t seem concerned at all. She said it wasn’t the first time someone has had to bring him home. She yelled at him asking how many he’d had, and where he had left the car. She seemed more concerned about the car than about him. We told her we didn’t know where the car was and left them to their arguing.
As we drove away, there was so much going through my mind. I was so surprised at how it had turned out. How’d I not catch on that he was drunk, I wondered. It’s not like I hadn’t seen people in that condition before. I also thought about how amazing it was that my Bible study had come to life; we asked, seeked, knocked, and got Bud home! I felt really good that I had the courage to share the memory verse with Bud. I prayed that he would remember it, and that it would help him somehow. And later it occurred to me that the car was probably at Sunkist School.
To be continued . . . see Rewardville
To start from the beginning go to messageballs.com
I’d come a long way, learning in different areas of my life. With still much to learn, as my journey continued I’d be introduced to new concepts and also be led back through some areas in order to gain deeper understanding. In Rewardville a slight shift in perspective revealed more about love and also showed me that it’s not without rewards.
It started with a nice dinner at a friend’s house. After dinner all I wanted to do was go home and enjoy a glass of wine on the patio as the sun went down. But as we were coming in the door the phone was ringing. It was my mom wanting me to come over and take her to the store to get a loaf of bread. As much as I tried to get her to say it could wait until tomorrow, she wasn’t budging. Finally, Jim said he would go. Even though he didn’t know about my plan, I couldn’t help feeling guilty about enjoying myself while he took care of my mom. So, I decided to go with him, thinking we could make it a quick trip and then get back home to relax.
It turned out to be more than a quick trip. When we got to my mom’s house she was stressed out, franticly searching for her credit card. She had looked all through her purse and was in the process of checking the pockets of the clothes she had recently worn. So, Jim and I joined in the search which included calling the restaurant where we had dinner a couple nights before.
When we finally got home I decided to go ahead and have the glass of wine I had looked forward to earlier. I first took it into the living room, but as I was about to sit down on the couch an idea came to me. Even though it was dark, it was a nice evening and there really wasn’t any reason not to enjoy my wine on the patio as I had originally planned. Shortly after I got out there I heard the Disneyland fireworks start up. We hear the fireworks from Disneyland every night but hadn’t been able to see them through all the trees in our neighborhood. This night though, for some reason I decided to walk slowly around our backyard while facing the direction of the sound. That’s when I found one tiny spot where I could stand and see the tops of the fireworks in-between the trees, and I was thrilled!
Thinking about it the next morning, I realized that I had been given something even better than what I had originally planned–fireworks! I felt like I had been rewarded for doing the right thing, even though I didn’t do it with the best attitude. I started to feel bad about how I had treated my mom. I’d been trying to respond to her needs with patience, but last night I felt as if I had reverted back to my selfish self. Yet, it didn’t make sense for me to give up something I really wanted for something I thought could have waited until the next day. When my mom wouldn’t agree, I felt controlled and that’s what seemed to bother me the most. Even though I ended up doing what my mom wanted, I resented it, and like in the past, blamed her for not getting my way. This time was a little different though, I could see where I went wrong and so didn’t continue in my unhappiness as long as I used to.
Later I received an even greater understanding when it occurred to me that it wasn’t really the bread that my mom wanted that night. It was reassurance that although she was still able to live on her own, she was not alone. That’s when I realized that the weird demands my mom sometimes made were not to control me, but were instead a way of asking for something she herself may not have realized she was needing at the time–love.
Seeing the whole thing from this new perspective made me sad to think about my mom being alone. Most of the time she seemed happy to still be living independent. As happy as I was about it too, I was now beginning to see how afraid it must have made her to call me and get an argument instead of what she needed. Once I understood that simply responding to my mom’s requests could make her feel loved and secure, I became much more patient with her. No longer did I feel coerced into doing something out of duty or responsibility, instead I began to see it as my choice to show my mom some love.
Fireworks light up the sky every night over Disneyland, but being able to see them that night in Rewardville was visible proof that God was looking out for me. It showed me that I didn’t have to give up what I wanted out of life in order to care for my mom. Learning to trust God with my desires has made for some fun surprises. It also enabled me to do much more than I could have imagined as my mom became increasingly dependent on me as time went on.
To be continued . . . see Zacchaeusville
To start from the beginning go to messageballs.com
As a child I was taught right from wrong and given rules not knowing at the time they were basically the ten commandments. Throughout my journey I’d been trying even harder to do the right thing thinking that’s what God wanted. So, when I was first introduced to the idea of leaving the law behind and continuing on under grace, it didn’t make much sense to me until two stories from my Bible lesson and a special moment with my mother indicated that was where the road to great faith was headed.
Something about the rich young ruler and Zacchaeus in the gospel of Luke got my attention. With the two stories just a chapter apart, I couldn’t help but notice that both men had an encounter with Jesus yet went away with very different results.
The young ruler in chapter eighteen asked Jesus what he must do to inherit eternal life. Jesus went over the law with him, and the man said he had kept it since a boy. He must have thought he was doing good until Jesus told him to do something he wasn’t able to do. Jesus told him to sell everything he had, give it to the poor, and follow Him. The Bible says the young ruler went away sad.
The next chapter tells of a man named Zacchaeus who, wanting to get a look at Jesus through the crowd, climbed a tree in Jesus’s path. When Jesus came by He called for Zacchaeus to come down and told him He must stay at his house. The Bible says Zacchaeus welcomed Jesus gladly and ended up giving half his possessions to the poor and promised to pay back fourfold those he had swindled. And Jesus said salvation had come to his house.
After reading the two stories I didn’t quite understand it all but I did see a clear difference between God’s law and God’s grace. The rich young ruler followed the law, did everything right his entire life, but didn’t get eternal life. Yet, Zacchaeus who spent his life swindling people ended up with salvation. It didn’t seem right to me, but I somehow knew there was more in the two stories for me to learn.
The next morning the stories were still on my mind. I thought about Zacchaeus and how the Bible says he received Jesus gladly. I wasn’t sure that would be my feelings if Jesus suddenly told me He was staying at my house. I’d be wondering if my house was clean, not to mention what I’d do about dinner. And, if I were to be honest, I don’t think it would be easy for me to give everything I had to the poor. So, could that be the lesson? Was I still trying to make myself worthy of God’s love even after all I’ve learned on my journey so far? I already knew I was saved by grace and not by anything I could possibly do. I knew that God loved me just the way I am and it’s made an amazing difference in my life. And, I’d put together that I can do more with God than I could ever imagine doing before knowing God. So what were these two stories trying to tell me, I wondered.
Later, I realized they were the answer to a question I’d had for some time. I had often wondered how I could have accepted Christ, attended church every Sunday, and still had come to the point of planning to kill myself. I never understood how that could happen, but through the two stories I realized it was because I hadn’t yet experienced God. I saw that after Jesus went home with Zacchaeus and spent time with him is when he was able to do what the young ruler wasn’t able to do. That’s when I realized the difference in my life had also come through my relationship with Jesus. On this journey is when God became real to me in a way no one can talk me out of, and where I came to know that God loves me just the way I am that’s made such a difference in my feelings of worthiness.
Happy to have finally found meaning in the two Bible stories, some additional understanding came through a conversation with my mother a couple days before Christmas. Feeling stressed over all that needed to be done to be ready for the holiday, my mother was reading her list to me while we sat at her kitchen table. After each thing, I told her I had taken care of it. As she continued, I finally said to her “Don’t worry Mom, I have it all taken care of. All you have to do is appreciate it.” After hearing myself say it, I had one of those “light bulb” moments and out loud made an “aha” sound. My mother heard it and said “What?” I was afraid to tell her though, because it was about God and she was already tired of hearing me talk so much about Him. Having to tell her something, I decided to just be honest and tell her the truth. So, I said “I was thinking that’s probably what God wants to say to us all the time. Don’t worry, I’ve taken care of everything. All you have to do is appreciate it.” To my surprise, she nodded in agreement.
The conversation with my mom turned out to be a special moment for me with her, but it also left me wondering if I’d missed something in Zacchaeusville. I thought about how my mom didn’t know what I’d already done for her and it made me wonder if these stories could be telling me there are things Jesus did for me that I don’t know about. Finally understanding that I could give up trying to make myself feel worthy of God’s love, just by accepting what Jesus did for me when He fulfilled the law, brought me to a place of gratitude I had never been before. But could there be even more, I wondered.
Making my way through Zacchaeusville I somehow knew the lessons on grace were only beginning. All indications were that I’d gone as far as I could with God’s law and it was time for me to find out more about God’s grace. I didn’t know where grace would take me, but I was excited about learning more of what Jesus did for me and finding out how it works in my life.
To be continued . . . see Radicalville
To see other posts go to messageballs.com
I had been reading books on radical faith, about people who had stepped out with God to do amazing things. As my faith grew, I was anxious to try it out and see what it could do. I even told God I wanted to get out of the boat, so-to-speak, and walk on water. But when the opportunity presented itself I didn’t recognize it, which began a whole new set of tests, trials, and lessons on my journey with God.
When the teaching director at Community Bible Study called to inform me that I had been recommended to be a children’s Bible teacher for the following year, I couldn’t help but laugh. The idea of me being a children’s teacher seemed so ridiculous that I told her there must be some mistake. Quickly she checked her records, asked me my name, and then said “No, no mistake.” After explaining to her that I didn’t have any teaching experience, no children, and hadn’t been a christian all that long, I thought it would obviously end the conversation. Instead, she informed me that they had a training program. And further shared that they are a praying bunch, indicating it was no accident I’d been recommended, and if by chance there had been a mistake, my name would not have made it through the many prayer sessions before calling me. She then asked me to pray about it, paying attention to pertinent scripture that comes to me, and to let her know my decision in a few days. I told her I would. So I prayed, and before I knew it I was calling to tell her I’d do it. But, only thinking it was a test of my faith that would be called off at the next step.
The next step in the process was a get-to-know-you luncheon given by the director and leadership team for all the new leaders. On the way to the luncheon a song came on the radio that got my attention. I’d heard it many times before but hadn’t ever noticed how it started until that moment. It began with the words “You and I must make a pact. We must bring salvation back.” The song continued, “Where there is love, I’ll be there. I’ll reach out my hand to you. I’ll have faith in all you do. Just call my name and I’ll be there.” It was the song “I’ll be there” sung by Michael Jackson, but it felt like it was God speaking to me. Was this God’s way of letting me know that this teacher idea is from Him, I wondered.
The luncheon was very nice, and it was inspiring for me just being around all those ladies of faith. After we ate, the teaching director told a little about herself and then asked that we take turns going around the table, each one sharing something. I found it interesting that the director of the children’s ministry didn’t have any children either. It touched me when she said “But I feel like I have a hundred children.” As much as it all seemed to be pointing me towards accepting the position, there was still time for it to be called off. The interview with the teaching director, where I would be expected to commit my time two mornings a week for 8 months, wasn’t for a couple weeks.
The following week, during my Bible study group, I was given another even more powerful reason for accepting the position. It came while reading the verse in the gospel of Luke where Jesus told the disciples to let the children come to Him. That’s when I felt the Lord say to me, “If you tell a child about Me, then that child won’t have to go through life without Me like you did.” I knew it wasn’t something I would have thought. And if it was God, how could I possibly ignore such a thought?
Losing hope that it would be called off, as the interview with the teaching director approached, I started taking the idea more seriously. As scary and unlikely as it was that I could somehow be a children’s Bible teacher, at the same time I wanted to trust and follow God. So, with just a couple hours left before the interview, I prayed “Lord, I know I shouldn’t ask this when you’ve already given me two powerful answers, but I need one more confirmation to be sure it’s from You.”
The morning of the interview happened to be my group’s turn to serve in the children’s department. Although it was my second time that year to assist a teacher in a classroom, this was a chance to picture myself as the teacher and to get a feel for if I was going to like it. Right away I got involved with the kids, playing games and helping with their crafts. One little boy didn’t seem to want to do what the teacher had planned. While the other kids were singing songs and reciting their memory verses, he was going around the room pinching them. After many attempts to get the boy to stop, the teacher asked me to take him to the children’s director.
So, I took hold of his little hand and we walked toward the table area where I knew to find the children’s director. Silently, I sympathized with him, thinking it must feel like being sent to the principal’s office. With the tables in sight, the boy began talking. As I knelt down to listen, he told me he had trouble settling down because the video games he played before class were still all going through his head. Wow, I couldn’t help but think that was important information he had shared with me. So, I tried to help him by asking “What if you focused on what the teacher was saying, do you think all the video game stuff might go away?” He nodded yes, as we continued toward the tables. When we got there though, no one was there. As I reached to open the gate to check the playground, I felt a tug on my hand. The boy told me he would be good if I took him back to class. “You’ll concentrate on your lesson and do what the teacher says?” I asked. After promising, we returned to class just in time for me to head over to my interview.
On my way to meet the teaching director, I couldn’t help but think the experience with the boy was the one additional confirmation I had prayed for. It showed me that I would be able to handle the children, with God there. As I walked into the interview, even with the three really strong reasons I’d been given for taking the position, I was still having a hard time committing. “What if I didn’t like it? It would be a really long year,” I was thinking. Then the director happened to say the only words that would relieve my fear enough to be able to make the commitment. She said “Why don’t you get started, and if you find you don’t like it, come tell me and we’ll find you something else.”
To be continued . . . see Anointville
To see other posts go to messageballs.com
Although the idea that I could somehow be a children’s Bible teacher made no sense to me, it was clear that God had led me there. Never in my life could I ever remember feeling so unprepared, but I’d made up my mind to trust God. Preparation began, mostly in the style much of my journey had already–by changing my thinking, and also in a way I hadn’t yet experienced. In Anointville I was to be shown how the power of God can enable me to do what I didn’t think I could.
The interview where I’d finally accepted the position went a little long causing the teaching director to hurry downstairs to begin her lecture on time. While in the elevator, she put her hand on my shoulder and said the most amazing prayer. Hearing her ask God for my anointing was a special moment for me, one I’ll always treasure. It also made it all so much more real. This is really happening, I thought. At the same time it reminded me of what I’d heard her say many times, “God doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called,” and whatever I needed to effectively teach the children would come from God. And it started coming before the year was done.
All year my leader had been reminding our group about sharing day–the last day of class when we were to share at the potluck brunch something we’d learned from the study that year. I didn’t want to disappoint my leader but the thought of getting up in front of the entire group of ladies and speaking into a microphone made me nervous. I didn’t know if I’d be able to do it. With the day fast approaching I still wasn’t sure what to share until the answer to a prayer came to me while at a baseball game with friends.
My prayer was for a nice singing voice. Ever since I was told by an elementary school music teacher that I was tone deaf, I’ve avoided singing or sang at whisper volume so no one could hear me. I’m sure my prayer was also prompted by knowing how much of a role singing plays in the children’s ministry and the thought that as teacher next year I’d be lead singer.
One of the verses we were to memorize during the year was Luke 11:9 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” I didn’t see any reason why God couldn’t give me a nice singing voice if I asked Him. So, I asked. I also made it my prayer request for the week, enlisting the ladies in my group to join me in praying. When my voice hadn’t changed any, I began to wonder why.
Then while at the baseball game the answer came to me, only not in the way I had expected. During the seventh inning stretch a six year old boy was introduced to lead the traditional singing of “Take me out to the ball game.” In front of thousands of people, the boy stood up to the microphone and sang with glee. As I found myself singing along and thinking I couldn’t sound any worse than he does, the answer came to me. I thought if that kid could inspire me to sing along with him, maybe others around me during worship, who like me are uncomfortable with their voice, might be inspired to sing when they hear me. So, the answer was not to be given a different voice, but to instead change how I thought about the voice I had been given. And that was what I wanted to share.
I’d written it out and practiced it so much that I had it almost memorized. Yet I couldn’t seem to get through it without crying which made me all the more nervous. So, I prayed “Lord, please don’t let me cry in front of all those people.” Even with all the practice and prayers, when the day came I didn’t think I would be able to share my story. During lunch, my leader curiously asked if I was going to share. I told her I wasn’t sure, and then headed to the ladies room. While in there, I had a little talk with myself and somehow managed to muster up enough courage to actually get in line for the microphone. I prayed while waiting for my turn. When I heard the woman in front of me speaking into the microphone, my heart skipped a beat. It not only meant that I was next, but she was crying and having trouble continuing which brought back my biggest fear. So, I went back to praying, this time for her. I prayed she would have the strength to finish what she wanted to share. It turned out she was able to finish, and then she passed the microphone to me.
Nervously, I introduced myself and began sharing; “Luke 11:9 was the only verse I was able to memorize because I feel my relationship with God has grown based on that promise.” As I recited the verse a peace seemed to come over me. I felt at ease as I continued, even through the part that had usually made me cry; “Asking God my questions and having the answers show up in different ways has made God real to me in a way no one can talk me out of. It has strengthened my faith and told me that God loves me in a way nothing else could.” It seemed very quiet in the room when I got to; “Yet when the question came up in our group about why we don’t always get what we ask for I didn’t have a confident answer to offer. So, I asked God.” As I shared about how I had asked for a nice singing voice and my change in thinking that came as a result, I hadn’t anticipated the gasp that would come from the children’s teachers when I said I couldn’t have sounded any worse than the boy did at the ball game. Quickly, my hand went up as if to calm them until I could finish my point. The applause made me feel good but I was relieved when I was done, and a little surprised it wasn’t as bad as I had anticipated all those weeks.
I still believe God could miraculously give me a nice singing voice, but learning that He could somehow use the voice I had already seemed more valuable for the time. Though I’m really glad God didn’t have me sing to the ladies at the brunch, pressing through my insecurities and having the courage to tell my story in that way had relieved my fear of singing to the children. Sensing God’s power in Anointville encouraged me to follow God further into unfamiliar territory. While preparation continued to ready me for the children in the fall, I’d be shown other capabilities I had unwisely judged about myself.
To be continued . . . see leaderville
To see other posts go to messageballs.com
Along with the position of Children’s Bible Teacher came the privilege of being included in the Leaders group. Even though I didn’t see myself as a leader, the thought of studying the Bible with a group of women who put their faith into action serving the Lord excited me. The title didn’t seem to fit me, though. I’d always thought of myself as independent minded. I enjoyed doing my own thing and the freedom of not being responsible for anyone but me. Something happened over the summer vacation that suddenly changed how I saw myself, and further prepared me to lead the children in a way I could never have planned.
It so happened that our church was hosting the Chick-fil-A Leadercast. Thinking it might help prepare me to be a good leader, I signed up for the seminar. It turned out to be geared toward business leadership, but I did find some information that could be applied to managing children. Looking back at the notes I took, which were few, three of the points turned out to be key in teaching the children. They were: “Creativity = putting imagination into practice,” “Innovation = putting great ideas into practice,” and “Enjoy, not just endure.” Being a graphic designer, I could easily relate to the first two points. The third point was a little more challenging but ended up playing a crucial role in my first year of the children’s ministry and also helped me journey through caring for my mother.
The seminar was wonderfully planned with video interviews of successful people sharing their wisdom and illustrated with lots of practical experiences. I was so impressed with how the material was presented that I began to wonder if perhaps my next purpose was seminar presentation. As I listened and tried to absorb what I could from the information offered there was much that didn’t seem to apply to me until a woman shared a story about mountain climbing. When she first started I thought to myself, “That’s something I would never do.” and was tempted to day dream instead. I was really glad that I didn’t because the lesson she shared, intermingled with climbing up the steepest part of the mountain, was what stuck with me most from the entire seminar.
The lesson came as she shared details of what she called “hitting the wall.” She described it as a place where you feel like you’ve gone as far as you can go. Thinking you can’t go any farther, you’re tempted to turn back without making it to the top and finishing your goal. She told of how when she had gotten to that point in her climb, others on their way back down the mountain encouraged her to keep going. They told her how beautiful it was at the top and how much it was worth the struggle getting there. Encouraged, she continued with tiny little steps. One tiny step at a time was all she could do but it moved her forward and before she knew it she had made it to the top. I wasn’t sure how that story would make me a leader but I somehow knew it was an important lesson to remember.
Another lesson came while on vacation that suddenly changed how I thought of myself. It happened in the Minneapolis airport when Jim and I were returning home from visiting my aunt and cousin. We had also played golf in North Dakota, checking off the last midwest state left for us to play in our goal of playing all fifty. While waiting in line to check-in, a man came and drew the ribbon in front of me, closing off the line. Pointing, he instructed me to go to my left. As I walked that way I could see how far I had to go, through the maze of ribbons connected to poles, just to end up back where I was, only on the other side of the ribbon. So, to save myself a few steps I decided to duck under the ribbon. That’s when I heard the man yell, “I knew that was coming!” When I looked back I saw that my husband had followed me, which I had expected, but to my surprise I saw the entire line behind us ducking under the ribbon. Then loudly the man said while pointing to me, “And she started this whole thing!” As embarrassing as it was, in that moment I saw that whether I realized it or not, I was a leader. People were following me and so the only question was, what kind of leader was I going to be?
Later I realized that everyone was forced to follow me or lose their place in line. As smart as I thought I was, I had made the airport employee’s job a lot harder. With all the confusion I had caused that day also came a clarity that showed me, as independent as I thought I once was, my actions were affecting others. As I began to feel a greater responsibility for my actions and the example I was showing to others, I became even more determined to look to God for instructions. With each step I took through Leaderville came the instructions and encouragement I needed to continue moving forward when the going got tough.
To be continued . . . see teacherville
To see other posts go to messageballs.com
The road to great faith had taught me that with God I’m capable of doing far more than I ever thought possible. Though teaching children about Jesus seemed too far out of my comfort zone, the time had come to put what I’d learned into action and see what my faith could do. Lessons leading into Teacherville had prepared me mentally, and the day of practical training I’d been promised was about to begin. Still, it seemed so strange, in a week I’d be announcing to a class of four-year-olds that I was their teacher. I couldn’t help wondering what I was doing there, but my doubts were answered with the reassurance that God had brought me there and was there with me. I would also be given an incredible surprise gift that would turn my insecurities into fun.
Training Day had finally come. I was feeling nervous and excited as I waited with the Leaders and other Children’s Teachers for the Teaching Director to arrive and begin the day. Silently I prayed and asked God to teach me to be a teacher. I told Him I had emptied myself and asked Him to fill me with everything I needed. My prayer was interrupted by sudden silence when a man walked into the room, an unusual sight for this organization of women. He announced that he was the husband of our Teaching Director, and went on to explain that his wife was in Intensive Care with a serious, life-threatening condition. We all bowed our heads in prayer. After the prayer, the man left, and the meeting continued under the leadership of the Assistant Teaching Director from the previous year.
It was like no place I’d been before. As I looked around the room, I thought to myself, “I can learn much from these women.” After an announcement like that, I’d expected the meeting to be dismissed and rescheduled for a later date. That’s what would usually happen in business after such news. But this meeting continued, delayed only by the announcement and a prayer. There was no bickering, no discussion of who should be in charge. And from an organization of volunteers where no one gets paid, I was impressed.
When it came time to introduce myself to the other children’s teachers, I admitted I hadn’t any teaching experience, not even any children of my own. Adding, I didn’t know what I was doing there but was trusting God. Their reaction was not what I had expected. They seemed inspired by my faith and went to work explaining lesson plans and gathering all that I needed for my first day of class. At the end of the day, I was in possession of a fun box of supplies that included crayons, playdough, glue sticks and other stuff I hadn’t played with since I was a kid. Later as I carried it to my car, I was feeling overwhelmed with all the information from the day and felt like running away. Driving out of the church parking lot the song, “I’ll be there” by Michael Jackson, came on the radio just as it had back when I was first deciding whether or not to take the position. I smiled when I heard it, knowing it was God letting me know that He was there with me and was supplying all that I needed. It worked, I felt better.
On the first day of class, I didn’t think the kids caught on that their teacher was more scared than they were. Only a couple kids cried when their mothers left and were fine not long after. They called me Teacher, even though I introduced myself as Miss Louise. It made me feel good, so I let them. Plus, I thought it might also help me grow into the role. The morning moved along fairly well, everything got done and on schedule, even though there were a couple of boys that seemed to have their own agenda. The hardest part for me was the Bible verse. Not only did I need to remember the verse and try to sing it to the song tune, but I also had to remember all the hand motions that illustrated the words. It was a fun way for the kids to learn the verses, but I was really uncomfortable having to sing. The other teachers seemed to have an easier time with them and even enjoyed it. Not me, I struggled with it until something happened on the playground that changed how I viewed it.
While on the playground I was telling one of the ladies that helped in my classroom about the hard time I was having singing the verses. I confessed that as a child I didn’t learn or sing any of the songs that are so familiar to most Christians. That’s when I felt God say to me, “This is your gift, to give you what you missed in your childhood.” It was so powerful, I just stood in awe, almost crying in front of the woman. Mumbling, I tried to tell her what had just happened but I didn’t think she understood. How could she? I didn’t! The thought that I could be given an experience, fifty-three years later, that I missed as a child was just so amazing to me. Who could do such a thing, but God! And, that He had done it for me was almost too much to handle.
Finding out that this teaching position was actually a gift for me changed how I looked at it. I tried to see it from the kid’s point of view. Instead of worrying if I had what it took, I started to have fun with it. I also began to take advantage of the times the Assistant Children’s Director, and other teachers came into my class to sing with the children. At those times I decided to sit with the children, and sing with them as if I were one of them. The kids seemed to like it. They sat close to me; one even climbed into my lap. It made me feel accepted, and I began to relax.
It wasn’t long before I needed to be reminded of what God had said to me earlier. At the next leaders meeting, I got a hug and encouraging words from the Acting Teaching Director. She told me to relax and just have fun. When I replied, “I just want to do a good job for God,” I felt the Lord say to me, “You are still looking at it as a job. I told you it was a gift.” “What do you do with a gift?” He asked. It seemed an easy question to answer, “Enjoy it, of course!” Still, I wasn’t sure how being a kid would help me be a teacher but I decided to trust God to work it all out. And in the meantime, I’d have fun!
When I said I wanted to see what my faith could do, I never expected it would be in a place like Teacherville. It was a foreign land to me. As much faith as it took for me to go there, it seemed to take an even greater faith to stay. I wanted to trust God, accomplish my purpose there, and enjoy the gift I’d been given. Yet, I was still wondering what I had to offer. God had kept His promise to be there, and was supplying my needs in amazing and unusual ways. The only doubts were with my own abilities. The struggle with my insecurities continued until I learned the root cause, and discovered a certain power, in a place I would never have considered.
To be continued . . . see Commitmentville
To see other posts go to messageballs.com
